Symmetrically Imperfect

Unexpected...

2009-08-21T06:38:00.002-04:00

So....transformation complete. Exciting right? ? I got my braces off, I got a new hair do...should be exciting and fun times for me?

I don't think I ran this scenario through my head...What I had hoped would be elation and skipping through enormous fields of pretty flowers ended up being confusion and distancing...I never thought the reverse support effect would occur. Now granted I got the initial 'wow' an occasional 'you look great'...etc....but no one ever prepared me for the just simple staring...and the 'you just look so different, I don't even know you anymore'...eek.

Now I've really created a complex. It, I suppose, should be looked at as a catch 22: I got what I wanted- A chance to TOTALLY reinvent myself, just start all over so to speak; but man it's lonely out here. I guess all I can do is take whats been handed to me, and try to make it work. Try and figure it all out somehow. Maybe it's time for a location change too? Or a job change? Why not shake up the whole thing?! I've already shaken up most of it.

This feeling of being in a snow globe has to end soon...Don't those little snow-like particles settle eventually?

End of the Road

2009-08-17T18:22:00.002-04:00

Wow I never thought, in a million years, that this day would come.....never EVER!!

I got a call today asking if i could come in for the de-bracing tomorrow. Wow tomorrow, really? I was so excited I did a dance in the Service Department's waiting room at Manchester VW. The sales guys caught me and laughed. I don't even care....I don't even care about the state of my potentially totalled car...I don't care about anything else. I have this laser focused on 10:15am tomorrow. 10:15am...and I will finally wake up from the nightmare that was my life the last 1.75 years. Wow....I feel...freedom...elation...and just confusion. What now? I feel like that pet, that has never gotten outside, but has tried a lot, to do it. I finally get out...and now what? Where do I go from here? Well it shall be interesting. I am expecting a lot of people who were not there for me over the last year, to change their tune, and suddenly try and get back in my life again...gah...Super Bitch reporting for duty.

Again I can't thank my friends enough for sticking with me through this. I know I have been super difficult to all of you. I may have even alienated you at one point or another due to my raging emotions, and for that I am deeply sorry. I was looking for sympathy that I honestly could only find within me...Did I ever find that elusive peace? Not really..but I did try exceedingly hard. I hope with this freedom, comes peace from the inner war that I have been waging against myself.

So tomorrow, at 10:15am, it will all be over.

Wish me luck!

Important Safety Tip...thanks, Egon

2009-08-15T06:44:00.002-04:00

Gah! I'll explain the reason for that a bit later....but first the good stuff...

So every few years or so. I like to completely reinvent myself. Change my hair drastically, how I carry myself...etc. It's fun and exciting and I eventually become a hybrid of what I was previously. So I started off reinvention 2009 with a new haircut. My hair was about halfway down my back, and I got it hacked to a little above the shoulders in a cute bob. LOVE IT! It's so much easier to care for over the course of the day.

Next step was the ortho. Eek. I was prepared to have her tell me she still just wasn't quite happy with the bite and to adjust/see you in 6 weeks. However, she told me that she was quite happy with the final result and that I am ready to go!! Woot woot!! YOU HEARD ME!! I AM GETTING MY MOTHER EFFING BRACES OFF!! WOOOOOOOOOOO!

Alas I knew that day was too good. I got into a car accident on my way home that day (hence the 'Gah!'). Car runs, but is not drive-able. Thankfully the body shop that has it, says they would be VERY surprised if the car was called totalled...I think he may have even used the word shocked. *phew* I was all bent out of shape as to whether I totalled ANOTHER car. Thankfully it looks like this one is repairable. It may take a few weeks, but I'll get it back. Once I get it back I'll be accepting applications for chauffeurs.

So that has been my whirlwind week. The great news being a fab new haircut, and GETTING MY MOTHER EFFING BRACES OFF!!

I'll keep you posted on the car situation, and when I get the call to come in and get the teeth done. :-D

Catch ya soon.

Another year....

2009-08-08T20:36:00.003-04:00

Wow, happy birthday to me.

What to say about the last year. Honestly I have ridden a roller coaster of emotions to a point where I must be setting some sort of world record. I think I have hit the highest highs and the lowest lows I am capable of. There were days I would wonder, why am I doing all this...what's the point? And there were days where I didn't think my life could honestly get better than this. I suppose we all have these moments. I just felt like I was constantly running through that gauntlet....like 'running ladders' from PE class.

I see that light at the tunnel....Its been in my view for some time, its just unreachable. Maybe in a month? or 3 weeks? Who knows. I am just thankful it will be soon. And as soon as that day is discovered, I will be making plans for a party, and my new tattoo.

I nearly lost my life in a crazy car accident. I still have nightmares about that to this day. I can only hope someday they just go away. Maybe next year? I would never wish the absolute terror I went through on anyone. Even DK.

One very bright spot in the last year has been my absolute dedication, and devotion, to dance. I wish it wasn't so ridiculously expensive, but I love it. Nothing makes me feel better about myself, and feel incredibly confident, than being out on that dance floor. I would be one bitter debbie downer if I didn't have to look forward to each week.

I love my friends. There are days where sometimes I want to smack them upside the head, but honestly, they have allowed me to maintain some sort of sanity in the last year. They've helped me keep my chin up and smile even when I didn't think I could. Without you guys, I would be lost, and probably a hermit.

So for reflection, it's been a transformation year for me. I got a new face, a new car, and a new found respect for myself through dancing. There is also a shiny new telephone pole where the one I so abruptly removed was.

Cheers to another year....and for more firsts in the next one. It can only get better :-)

*muah*

Missing you...

2009-08-02T12:18:00.003-04:00

I know I know....I am horrible at updating this thing.

I read my last post and noticed it was from May. MAY!! I used to update this weekly, or even at least monthly. There's been plenty to report on, I just haven't had time to sit down and put it on paper. Have no fear....I have returned.

So what's new....hmm...

May - My bestest friend/sis got married. It was a beautiful day for a beautiful wedding. I had a ton of fun in NJ that weekend. Other than that typical shenanigans. I successfully completed 2 levels in dance in what I affectionately referred to as "Hell week" (6 straight days of dance class).

June - was completely a blur. Honestly I have no real recollection of what went on. I know it rained for a month. According to my favorite weather guy, Kevin Skarupa, we had 9, count'em 9, days of sunshine. The end of the month was spent buying the MJ catalogue. Did I do anything fun? Probably, but nothing out of the ordinary.

July - the sun finally came out!! Woot woot!! For fun this month, I spent an extended weekend in LI picking up some wine. Wrecked my ankle...pretty bad too, considering its been 3 weeks and it still hurts...oh well.

This month, August, kicked off with our annual shitshow known as Harborcane. Local coverband, Hypercane, does an annual booze cruise and we all get together to party like a rockstar...limo and all...for one night. Its always a good time...

On the ortho front, I get the go/no-go next week (14th) as to if I am completed with my "orthodontic treatment". That may be the best birthday present ever, or quite possibly the straw that breaks the camel's back. I know I am seeming dramatic, but I'll be 28 next Saturday, I feel this crap is preventing me from moving on with my life. I even feel like it's preventing me from just simply being me. Weird right? I've just immersed myself in dance in hopes to avoid social situations where I will just feel incredibly awkward and unhappy. (see: all social situations). I am ready to, I need to, just move on. I am anxious and excited all in the same space.

So here I sit on August 2nd....wishing the next week and a half away. I feel like I've wished the 2 years away, which I think I have. Is that a success or a failure? You make the call.

Home Stretch

2009-05-03T19:07:00.003-04:00

You know I wanted these things off for my college roommate's wedding. I really did. But you know...sometimes we just can't have everything. However I do adore my new fancy bone structure in my face and I cannot wait to show it off post-"orthomess". I have a feeling the day I get those babies off, oh man...watch out. There will be some serious intoxication and partying to a degree we have never seen.

I just came back from Mexico. I had a wonderful time and met some fabulous people from all over the world. However I think the best thing about the trip, aside from the crystal blue ocean and the fabulous tan I am now sporting, is that no one...not one...person mentioned my braces. Not one. I actually brought it up once. They didn't even seem to care. How do I get people like that here?!?! Seriously. Some of these people were drinking too!! Can I clone them? Can I ship them here, or move out there? Pretty please with a cherry on top? Damn NH...

Anyways it was a superb time....I honestly did not miss NH. The more I go to Mexico or other misc. Caribbean countries, the less I want to come home. I missed my kitten, who missed me terribly. There are a few people I would miss if I ran away to some far away land, but overall, I wouldn't miss this place one bit....Oh and I may or may not have H1N1/swine flu/whatever-the-hell-it's-called-this-week virus. I am a fairly healthy person so if I do, I can shake it. It's just a waiting game to see what happens. Oh well.

I have been quarantined from work for a week. hahaha no joke. Thankfully my job allows me to work from home with a laptop so I'll be parked on my couch or outside in the sun for the week. I also have a wedding to be in this weekend...Weeeee. I think after this, I am officially Katherine Heigl's character from 27 Dresses. Seriously. My formal dress collection is taking over my damn closet.

Anyway I am rambling...as par for me. I don't have another ortho appointment til the end of the month. I will continue to revel in this end game talk we speak of. If any other crazy details come up in my insane life, I will be sure to share them with you. That is if anyone is actually reading this anymore...hahaha

Peace out kids.

Soon these eyes will see the sun...

2009-04-21T19:21:00.001-04:00

End of the summer! Seriously! End of the mother-effin summer!!

Weeeeee!

keep your fingers crossed....and toes

2009-04-20T19:04:00.001-04:00

I am going to the ortho tomorrow. The last time i had high hopes of getting out of this soon, I was met with a huge blow to the ego....So I am trying to not get toooooo excited...but I am too.

Maybe my super sweet birthday present?? Maybe?? Pretty Pretty please??

Nearing the end? Hopefully?

2009-04-20T06:46:00.002-04:00

I just want to go out, to a public place, once, and not have someone ask me about braces. Just once. I understand people are inquisitive by nature, and hell they are right in front of you. But isn't there a split second thought process that says, hey maybe she's heard this 8263489236 times and doesn't really want to talk about it? I will wait and see if she brings it up. (I would too)

I just want all of this to be over. I just want to get on with my life. I don't want people to pity my life, I don't need hollow compliments. And I certainly do not want to be the girl with braces anymore. Man. I didn't think finding something genuine would be so difficult. Some people just suck at life.

Anyways, updates...I went up to Dartmouth last week. Found out from the chief maxillofacial surgeon up there that I am in no way shape or form a candidate for a second surgery. Good right? Now it's just convincing my ortho to get these godforesaken things off. I never thought 18 months would be so damn long.

Ortho appointment tomorrow. I will update tomorrow with the latest

Withdrawls...

2009-03-08T14:08:00.001-04:00

Wow it's been a while!

Sadly I really don't have anything to report as of yet. I just missed this thing and wanted to say hi. I make my trek to Lebanon, NH on April 14th for my 876347826th opinion. Ugh...I am so over this process. I really am...

Like i said no news here. I just missed it :-)

Quarter to Never

2009-01-27T18:11:00.003-05:00

That's about when I will get my braces off. I am not joking.

So the outcome of today's meeting was....hmm...a better understanding...So you know me. I had my mind set on something so I ran in there, guns blazing. Yeah I had no idea what I was talking about and that was pretty evident. So to dumb it down a bit...

We all know I have 2 bites. The "bad" bite lets say is a -4 (to mean 4mm back). Ok? They do not want to do surgery now because my joint area is still molding, to where it needs to be. And if they did go in now, and make my bite a 0 (which would be the perfect bite)....after everything is healed, I could conceivably end up at a +4 (4mm forward). Make sense? Basically it's like operating on a growing child. Things are still shifting and molding to where they need to be and need to settle. This is a process that can take up to a year from now to complete.

Ok that makes sense. Their other argument was this...which I also did not know. The surgery would not be the same exact surgery. It would be a different cut to move the jaw forward. Now if you remember correctly, the original surgery was to, in essence, rotate my bite since it was basically shifted to one side. Simple enough. Well a down set of that was possibly not lined up front to back. It's line up side to side alright, but not necessarily front to back. Get it? Different cut means more pieces. For obvious reasons, one would want the old pieces to be fused together before you go in and start cutting new pieces. In the words of my fellow frenchies....I cut it three times, still to short! (if you haven't heard me do my frenchie speak, ask me...)

*sigh*

My concerns are the following...my employment situation, and hand in hand with that, my health care situation....which sadly has nothing to do truly do with my oral situation. I am ok with waiting, it makes sense. I'd rather wait til I am healed, and assess. I have come this far, I refuse to settle for mediocre. However, given the cucky economy and the gradual moving of my department to a southwestern state, I am not sure if I will be employed in a year, have health coverage (any or the same) in a year, I don't even know if I can guarantee I will be living in New England in a year!!! I suppose the last one will have to occur. Last thing I want to do is start all over with someone else half way through this. That would be foolish. However I have no control over employment and my health coverage. I know I can find other work if the inevitable happens. No worries on that front. However who is to say I will have Harvard Pilgrim? And if I don't, will the new insurance cover this!? My guess would be no...it's a pre-existing condition. Although I think I can appeal that really broad brush stroke. Given I have been getting treatment, and I haven't been without coverage since...oh I don't know....the day I was born?? God knows I have a manila folder at the Elliot about an inch and a half thick if they need proof...hahaha

ugh....more time...So that puts me in a holding pattern at the orthodontist until I am all together and such. She won't be happy. I am also driving up to EBF Lebanon, NH to get another opinion at the recommendation of all 3 doctors that looked at me today. Heeeey! Why not right?!? Let's put some more hands in the cookie jar...

I really am going to have the million dollar face when this is all said and done with. No one is ever allowed to touch it again. Gentle....it's been busted way too many times

I can say I am a little less angry and upset now....I am still discouraged, but what can I do right?

Maybe I'll be done with this by my 30th birthday? Maybe?

*sigh*

A prostho-wha?!

2009-01-27T06:35:00.002-05:00

Prosthodontics

It's the word of the day. Google it...I dare you. This person deals with dentures, implants and various other "prosthetics" that go along with oral care. Why do I bring this up you ask? Well my dear friends....I will be seeing one of these specialists today. And yeah...I won't be nice.

So in typical Elliot fashion, they are trying to pawn me off on someone else, make me their problem. And from the googling....I THINK my surgeon is going to try and convince me that a night guard will help....really? ( Just typing that has infuriated me) I AM NOT GROWING ANYMORE. A NIGHT GUARD WILL NOT HELP! IT IS JUST A DAMN BAND AID FOR AN ISSUE THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT. SO GET IN THERE AND FIX THE DAMN THING.

Wow....

That felt good.

Yeah....I feel bad for Dr. Byron. He will be getting the Mean Jody today. Nobody pawns me off on someone else because they don't want to take responsibility. Fix it, don't band aid it. End of conversation.

I will let you know how that meeting goes this evening.

It shall be interesting. Wish me luck.

Defeat

2009-01-21T19:26:00.003-05:00

I had to wait til today to post about the goings on of yesterday because...well...I was an utter mess.

If that doesn't pretty much tell you what I was told at the orthodontist, I don't know what will.

Anyway, here is the run down...I went to the orthodontist. I knew going into it I have 2 bites. As I have told you before we all have 2 bites, mine is just more severe than others. The surgeon has been quite ambiguous as to the repercussions of living with the double bite, but I will get to that later. I heard quite possibly the worst thing to ever hear...."I hate to give you bad news, but there is nothing more orthodontically I can do for you and your bite without another surgery." Wow....let that settle in...First mildly rational thought that comes to my head is can I live with what I have with no side effects? This I don't know. I call the orthodontist when I get to work and speak with her. She tells me that any of the following can happen :

- Absolutely nothing and I can go on my life with 2 bites
- Improper tooth wear which causes the bite to slip even further and worse.
- Jaw muscle/joint pain due to the stress of putting it in the proper spot.

But she can't tell me where I fall....no one can....Cause no can predict what will happen within the next 40 some odd years. What caused the sliding back of my rest bite? A multitude of things; possibly just the natural settling was wrong, perhaps my car accident...who knows....All we do know is that it is wrong. Why did it come out wrong? Well, I wasn't set in a rigid fixation (meaning screws put into my jaw to hold it in place). Why didn't the surgeon use screws? Well that, my dear readers, is the huuuuuuuuge variable with this surgery. There is no set way to perform this surgery. Some doctors only do rigid fixation...others feel that if the bone can heal on its own without metal, then that's the best way to go. The problem with no screws? Well exactly what you see here....

Ugh....I am not willing to take the risk to see if I never have any issues down the road...I have come too far....gone through too much....But now, I have just come to the realization that I went through 6 weeks of hell for absolutely nothing. Just to go through it again. Yes it is the SAME exact surgery. The only difference is he will be screwing it in place this time, I will insist upon it. the upside of that, is that I will only have my mouth wired shut for at most 4 days. Not too bad right? Onto a mushy diet right out of the gate....which is pretty much the diet I am still on now.

Game plan is this....I will call my friends at the Elliot tomorrow. Leave a message for the surgeon saying, I think it's best we go in and do it, and how soon can we get in to do it. The sooner they can get me in for it, the better. I don't want to wait another 2 months....we can expedite it, especially through an insurance company given the fact that its a mess up on their end and nothing that I could have controlled. Turn around time for stuff like that is usually pretty quick. (I went to the ENT and we determined I needed my tonsils out, 3 weeks later I was in there). No sense in letting the bone heal anyways when you are gonna break it again.

So yeah...that's the latest....looks like you have a whole other week or 2 coming worth of recovery. Sweet right?

Yeah I am gonna go back and cry into my wine....

What's the phrase again?

2009-01-19T10:56:00.003-05:00

One step forward and 2 steps back? Or something like that...

Ugh...So I went to the Elliot today. Haven't been there in 4 weeks. I was a ball of emotions, excited, scared, nervous, and just tired. Let's just say this appointment did not disappoint. Good news first, I no longer need to carry some sort of surgical tool with me. This includes clamps, cutters, hooks, or syringes. Sweet right? I am down to one rubber band, the ginormous one in the front. Sweet right? Well wait. Apparently there was a cute little conversation between my surgeon and my orthodontist in between my last appointment and this one. She is not overly happy with the results, he is. So what does that mean? Well if the conclusion is that ok we aren't happy and we need better, that's another face breaking. Yeah, ANOTHER jaw surgery. Am I up for that? I don't know yet. I see the orthodontist tomorrow, and I suppose that will be the topic of discussion. I really cannot assess if I think I need another surgery until it all settles in. And not surprisingly, I am not fully healed yet. I am better than I was 4 weeks ago, but I think it will be another 4 weeks before it's all solid. I most certainly do not want my mouth wired shut for another 6 weeks, but if that's the way I need to go, then so be it.

Gah....And here I was hoping my ortho appointment tomorrow I would be able to discuss getting these godforsaken things off. Maybe I still will.

On top of that I got a cute bill in the mail today. $852.91....for the wham-bulance ride when I totaled my car. Hell if I would have known it was going to be that much, I could have just walked home. I knew I wasn't hurt. I was like 3 miles away from my house. Note to self: no more wham-bulances. I think Amica would still pay for it, but I dunno, its over a month later that these retards send me the bill. Jeez their billing system is worse than Fidelity's ;-)

I am also trying to fight a cough/cold...I may be winning, but I am not going to count my chickens before they hatch. I will be in bed early tonight...dreaming sweet dreams that I will wake up tomorrow and feel like a million bucks. Working out usually helps with clearing me out, and thankfully I have dance tonight. (East Coast Swing is quickly becoming one of my favorites)

I will let you all know how the orthodontist goes tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed

I Once Was Lost...but Now I'm Found

2009-01-04T10:30:00.004-05:00

So yeah the title is a bit deep....but I feel its appropriate.

I have been a bit off in updating this...OK a lot off...but I was out kind of finding myself again. Every so often I lose my way and I get sucked into a void of self-pity and laziness. It comes and goes in waves....always has since I got back to NH from college. Its hard trying to find a little niche that I fit into. People are shady, just in general, and can often be fake. Its hard trying to find a trustworthy person to latch onto who fits in ANY aspect of my life. But anyways I digress.... I found a new passion, that I have fallen head over heels in love with even after only one week. I have always loved to dance, I always felt I had some sort of rhythm. (Not to toot my own horn, but I think I have pretty good rhythm compared to some other people I know.) Anyways, I started taking ballroom/Latin dancing. Wow....it is a TON of fun. It's a lot of work, but it's a great, positive, and healthy way to spend evenings as opposed to sitting on the couch loafing and complaining about my orthodontic situation. Apparently my notion of rhythm and self confidence isn't all a farce either, my instructors noticed and want me to compete. How fun right?! It gives me something to strive for, to want to be good at....and even something to talk about with people! Class excites me and gives me the desire to want to practice every day...to get better so that I can compete, and compete effectively. I just wish those damn costumes weren't so much....but you know me I'll find a deal somewhere.

However, I know people joke, and I know I have been a bit sensitive about everything but seriously...some jokes get old. I spoke with some friends recently about the great line I have heard from any prospective guy I have come across..."Oh, you have braces?" Now that may sound innocent upon first read. Sure it does....but after the oh 7th time you have heard it, you get to figure out the meaning behind the phrase...."Oh you have braces...how about I call you when you get them off?" Yeah...thanks but no thanks. Some of these "men", if that's what you would like to address them as, whom I have met in prior months have come out of the wood works now that they know I am taking dance. Really? I'm not an exotic dancer, nor will I ever be. I am a bit too classy, and snobby, to ever do that. You should know that by now, honey. I am a bit insulted by these alleged former pursuants. Time to find something better to do with your time kids....and give me a jingle when you decide to grow up....which would be quarter to never.

So braces update...I have a billion rubber bands in my mouth. I have to wear them at all times, but I do take them out to eat. Its a good time and I look pretty hot if I must say so myself. I don't go back to the surgeon or the orthodontist until 1/19 and 1/20, respectively. Hopefully my jaw bone will no longer be floatin' around out in my face and actually be connected. What a concept!!! Otherwise all is well. I am excited for the promise of 2009 both on the orthodontic/facial reconstruction front and on the personal reinvention front. It shall be an exciting year...

Trapped

2008-12-21T14:04:00.002-05:00

Seriously...Its like being stuck in a snow globe. Did you ever see the little pixar short with the little snow man in the snow globe and his whole plot was to try to get to the beach trinket? Where the hell is my beach trinket?!

Every year I say it earlier and earlier. I am so done with snow. We have entirely too much of it already. Rumor has it more snow Christmas Eve?! Come on...is this some sort of cruel joke? I don't even want to know what January and February have in store. I feel an egging of Kevin Skarupa's house/car/very essence of his being coming on.....

Fidelity Holiday Party - Redux

2008-12-17T05:53:00.004-05:00

So I've been promising to do a recap of the annual mess known as the Holiday party. But due to circumstances beyond my control *cough* weather *cough* I have not been able to do so until this very day...So here it is.

Let me tell you this first...I looked fabulous. I just want to throw that out there. I bought a dress like back in October for this gala event that I absolutely had to have. I *hearted* it. ANYWAYS, the party was a bit more low key this year. Which is relative in comparison to other Holiday parties that I know of. Less people showed up, I think due to less people being employed, and the weather being as cucky as it was. But have no fear, those who were there did not disappoint.

There were numerous molestations on various dance floors, heavy alcohol consumption, and "gopher" dancing everywhere. Sorry boys, you really need to learn a new move other than the "gopher". And no grinding, or stupid silly dances (see: sprinkler) will substitute. I will still laugh though if you do it....

You know I laugh at this every year because I really think people drink so much, they forget they work with these people. Don't get me wrong, I like to drink with the best of them, I think anyone reading this can attest to that. But seriously....you WORK with these people. Day in and day out. It's one thing to get a fun little buzz....but to be sloppy, fall-down, make out with strangers drunk...well that's just embarrassing. There was a time and a place for behavior like that and that time was College.

I promised I would leave specific names out, and frankly I do not know everyone's name so those who are about to be humiliated will be spared. Overall, I must say the people I recognized from H&W were VERY well behaved this year. Kudos to all of you!! Maybe cause all of the retarded people stayed home...who knows, but those who came out were behaved. Sadly I cannot say the same for our compatriots next door. I know the stock market is in the toilet, but seriously...have some class. I saw some of the most disgusting and outlandish behavior that I am even too embarrassed to speak of here. Its very sad.....All I will say, is look out for "Mess"...she is out there, somewhere in Contra...hunting for the nearest male, female, or inanimate object...

Look for a post on Saturday I have another train wreck of a Holiday Party to go to, which may be more entertaining than this one in regards to people watching.

Lessons learned or just revisited:

~ Boys, regardless of age or alcohol intake, cannot dance. Someone prove me wrong...please

* Although please continue doing whatever move that is, it is QUITE entertaining to watch

~ Buffet lines scare me. Too many people touching my food. I do not know where their hands have been...and frankly I do not want to know.

~I love Coors light. It is my best friend and my "safe-zone"

~Never take drinks from a stranger...you never know where it came from or what kind of roofies are in it.

~ I hate my braces...I can never say that enough.

~ Dancing all night in 5 in stilettos makes the lady who does my pedicures veeeeeery mad.

~ I really do love new car smell. Like brand new car smell...not to rub it in or anything ;-)

~ Some people really do just suck...Nothing we can do to help them. I hate people who think they are above others.

~You can never hear too much Journey or Bon Jovi in any given night.

Oh and before I forget....I think maybe only my Cheese Facsimile friend, and Beef Boner in arms, may have witnessed me doing it...but I totally danced in a Soul Train line to Donna Summer. I was however much better dressed than ANYONE on Soul Train.

Don Cornelius out

Yabba Dabba Dooooooooo

2008-12-16T05:52:00.001-05:00

Now that I am out of the stoneage and have power again I will start posting....

Man that was the longest 4 days EVER!

Anyways, I won't post a long one now, I'll do it when I get home. Look for it tonight. It will have Holiday Party deets in it. ;-)

Oops

2008-12-11T06:27:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I managed to break not one, not two, but three out of the five rubber bands in my mouth. That must be some sort of skill, talent, or SOMETHING. Anything???

Well then came all the import and yet difficult task. Trying to replace them. If I wasn't able to do so myself, well then I would need to go back to the hospital for him to replace them. I had a sinking feeling if after 2 days of having them in, and I am already breaking them, I better learn how to replace them....and fast. So here I trudge off to the ladies room with my surgical clamp and my little baggie of impossibly small rubber bands. This should be interesting, if not comical.

*Cue the weird looks from fellow coworkers*

SUCCESS!! I am able to take them out, and put them back in aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall by myself!! Hooray!! Now I know, if I need to cram a utensil in there, I can take out the front three (trapezoid and 2 triangles) so that I don't shear them like I did the first set. It may even prolong the life of the rubber band!! weeeeeeeeeee!!

Its the little things in life that make me happy.....Or just the fact that I don't have to go back to the Elliot ;-)

Don't Count Your Chickens...

2008-12-09T06:02:00.002-05:00

Yeah and I did the other day. Damnit.

So the last post was about the trapezoid from hell. And pretty much how I some how squirmed out of getting an additional 4 rubber bands in my mouth. *Cue the surgeon*

I went to the the happiest place on earth yesterday, the Elliot, and my orthodontist had already gotten a hold of my surgeon on the topic of the moment, my double bite. He took some more photos, looked at my face, checked out my screwy bite and made possibly the WORST DECISION EVER. He added the 4 triangles of rubber bands. You scoff at it. Rubber bands aren't so bad right? hahahahahha Well the trapezoid rubber band is a big one. Easy to take out, and put in. The ones I have in from the surgeon? The band is about the size of a pinhead, and requires a tool to put in. Needless to say, these do not come out. ugh. With all of them in, I feel like I am rewired shut. Nothing is more frustrating than the feeling I have right now. Nothing.

So back to the liquid/spoon diet. I suppose that's good to have right before a couple of holiday parties I am going to. Drop any weight I have put on in the last 2 weeks pretty quickly. You always have to look at the bright side of things, as awful as it may be.

Anyways I have these triangles for AT LEAST 2 weeks. The trapezoid for another 7. I can deal with the trapezoid, but the triangles are brutal. I am hoping I can stretch them out a liiiiiiiiiittle bit in the next day or so to alleviate some of this horrid pain and to allow me to at least fit a fork in there. Come on...work with me here.

Anyways that's the latest word. I am kind of in a foul mood as a result so take note. I am hoping this immediate frustration is short lived and that I will be back to my perky self tomorrow.

Keep your fingers crossed

I Hate Geometry

2008-12-05T20:28:00.002-05:00

So time for some orthodontic news....

I went to visit my friends at Amherst Ortho today. I haven't seen them in a while. I am sure they missed me. I was a bit nervous about what kind of contraption they were going to put in my mouth this time....and thankfully they did NOT disappoint.

Before I divulge into that fun let me explain my bite now...I now have 2 bites. Yes 2. One is the functional bite and one is called some fancy name, or neutral. My functional bite is the one that everyone sees every day...the normal one where I would chew, and close my mouth at. Now the Neutral bite is for example when I sleep. For most people, this is the same as the other, for me not so much. My bite slides back. Why I don't know...I just know it does. Is it bad? Again I don't know. The orthodontist told me lots of people live with a dual bite and are fine. Whether or not I can is not the issue for me...I don't want to. I just had surgery to fix a crooked bite and now I end up with another issue?!?! How the hell does that work!? Anyways I don't know how someone would correct it, I know my orthodontist wanted my surgeon's number which can never be good. Watch me end up in there again....I'll even bet on it. Damn genetics...

So after that fun news, I get elastics. Oh yes....it wasn't going to be hey here's some cucky news, see ya in a few weeks...nooooooooooo. I was supposed to wear 3 elastics, but thankfully the orthodontist had some issues with my wire and broke a bunch of brackets so I only have one...but this one is a doozy. On my top I have 2 hooks left, the 2 teeth on either side of your front teeth. On my bottom, I only have the 2 very front ones still with hooks. Sooooo you guessed it, I have them all looped in a giant rubber band trapezoid. Who brought the cool kid?? Oh that's right I did. Thankfully the back set of rubber bands are not in. Those will be a triangle on each side.....Have no fear, I will be getting those in 7 weeks in addition to the trapezoid from hell....hahahaha....

Anyways, another lack luster trip to the orthodontist with no promise of being freed anytime in the near future. Its not looking promising for being released this spring, but you never know.

On the plus side I think I am getting a car tomorrow! Woot woot!! New ride here I come! And I promise to all 5 of my readers that I will never drive when I am tired again.

Have a great weekend!

Too Close For Comfort

2008-11-30T13:01:00.003-05:00

Ok so again I am going off topic today...I need an outlet for what just happened and this is the perfect place to do it.

I go out a lot. I can be responsible and irresponsible. Since one of my friend's lost his license I have been a bit more behaved, since I offer to drive him. He lives about 20-30 minutes away from me, so it's a bit of me going out of my way....But I like hanging out with my friends.

As we all know I have been hurriedly trying to get back to the normalcy I once knew. Burning the candle at both ends shall we say. But not in the partying aspect, just everything in general. Well it finally all caught up to me in one giant screeching halt....

I was being the good friend, I was the designated driver tonight so i picked up my friend. I had also been running all day since about 430am. We went to the normal watering hole, I behaved...I knew that I had to drive and that I was already exhausted. We left, I dropped him off, I start back home. I was tired...physically exhausted. I was drowsy at the wheel...bad combination. I was at most 5 minutes from my house at the town line and I dozed off for all of 5 seconds. That's all I needed....I woke up the car listed heavily to the left, I think I was on an embankment of some sort. I plowed into a telephone pole that snapped into god knows how many pieces. That's all I remember about the accident. I think I hit my head on the steering wheel. I "came to" and I was disoriented. I didn't know what way was up. I heard a bzzzzzzzzt and saw sparks, a downed power line, entirely too close to the car. I yelled for help, it was 1230am nobody was going to hear me. It's a futile effort. I undid my seat belt and fell out of the seat, the car was upside down. I needed to find a way out, fast. Who knows what was leaking. I some how managed to shimmy out of the sunroof, back on the grass, pulling on the passenger door frame. I got out...holy hell I got out.

The rest of the night was an emotional blur. I don't know if I have ever cried that much just out of sheer terror and gratefulness. I was shaking worse than someone with Parkinson's...still am. I was taken to the hospital, questioned by the police, the whole 9 yards. I have never been in a car accident before, and everybody who saw the car could not believe that I was standing, talking, functioning. Even the people in the hospital anticipated a horrific trauma victim, not someone who was wide awake without a single broken bone. I escaped with a sprained wrist, bruises from the force against the seat belt, cut on my forehead, and giant egg on my forehead.

I was a cynical person, skeptical about god....a higher being....miracles....any of that. Well someone was watching over me tonight. It wasn't my time. Someone took care of me...and I can only say, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to live to see another day.

Drunk N' Bake

2008-11-25T21:37:00.003-05:00

tired....buzzed...and I made a fierce apple pie

bitchin...

I am so domesticated!

good night

Learning Curve

2008-11-23T14:26:00.004-05:00

Someone needs to make one for this whole eating thing. I know I have said it just about every single day and I will continue saying it....this is frustrating. Very frustrating.

So I can chew, sort of. I think because I have a few rogue teeth that need to be moved, it still feels weird. I want to be able to eat like a normal person. I want to not have to think about it when I go to take a bite...Will it fit? Can I chew this? Did I cut it small enough? This has resulted in me just either not eating, or only eating when I am home for the sole fear I will look like a slob.

I have gotten a bit sensitive about my post-wires recovery. I think its warranted. The wired shut phase was difficult, and incredibly lonely at times. Now that I can talk again, all these people are coming out of the woodwork. Like where were you 3 weeks ago? I can't stand fake people, or people who just show up when it benefits them. Coulda, woulda, shoulda....but you didn't and that's all that matters.

My cat is going to miss me terribly. I've been home and cuddly for the last 6 weeks. She will be sad. As will I...I mean I am up early regardless of work or not, but to actually have to DO something with myself...unheard of. Thankfully it's a holiday week so it will be a skeleton crew in house. Less drive by's at the desk which allows me to get settled in a bit better.

Another appointment with the surgeon on Monday. I think this is just making sure stuff is still in place, no pain, etc. I check the mirror repeatedly, doc, I am good. Lets take the pins out.

Anyways, have a great Sunday and I'll catch ya later

Oh and...

2008-11-21T14:45:00.002-05:00

I think Imma make a pie for thanksgiving....

any suggestions???

Excuse Me While I Kiss This Guy....

2008-11-21T14:24:00.002-05:00

I had to....I cannot take credit for it, but I had to do it. That line always makes me laugh....

Anyways enough with the lyrical shenanigans. You don't come here for that. You come for the excitement of my life!! hahahahahaha. Soooo where did I leave off?? Oh yes...I have an almost daily appointment with the surgeon to check up on me. I seem to be healing well. I was there on Wednesday and he said that "we were just going to let it all settle where it is". Good, bad? I don't know. I am pretty happy with it. Although it seems as though my bite changes daily, I am hoping this settling thing will occur soon. I am still rubber band free (woot! woot!) and it is fabulous.

Eating is still a challenge. I am certain this will be a challenge for a long time to come. I don't think people understand exactly why I am unable to eat normally right when they unwire me. This is what I have been saying. You bust your knee playing tennis, they keep you in a knee brace/immobilize the knee for 6-8 weeks. At the conclusion of the 6-8 weeks does the Dr. tell you go to play tennis on day 1? Nooooo....for 2 reasons, 1 because it would not be good for the knee, and 2 you wouldn't be able to anyways cause you don't have a full range of motion in it. The muscles in your face are no different. I have to retrain them how to work again. I can't just open my mouth and shove a sandwich in there.

I'd have to say though the 2 things that have bothered me the most from exposing the new face to the real world are reactions I have gotten from people. One of them I have heard a lot, some people have even asked me it more than once, and it is "Oh welcome back...when do you get your braces off?" Really? That's all you have to say? Honestly, that's the least of my worries at the moment. So I hate to sound like a bitch, but I don't know, and frankly there are more important things I need to worry about before they do that. There. I said it. I do not need the back handed compliment....

The second thing was, I think, even worse than that...."Oh but I don't notice anything..." Well that was supposed to be the point, sort of. I wasn't going all Joan Rivers on you, but come on....you don't notice the 25lb weight loss? Or the fact that my face isn't grotesquely crooked anymore? Ok ok ok whatever. Maybe I am being nit-picky. I just expected more people to just say "You look great!" without questioning future things, or just kind of tossing it aside. Can't a girl just get a plain old compliment????

Anyways, that's my venting for the day. Maybe I can try and eat some more stuff today. Bust out the sweet bib and the mirror!

Weird...Very Weird

2008-11-18T11:08:00.003-05:00

So I went to the surgeon yesterday. I explained to him my dilemma about the progressive crookedness of my bite which I thought was due to the rubber bands. He suggested we take the bands out and see how my bite is. Voila! It lined up!! I wasn't crazy!! He asked me if it was a progressive move, or if it was instantaneous. I said it was fine on Thursday and Friday. He told me the reason he put the bands in as he did was cause the muscles in my face were not lined up, so he was concerned it was going to try and pull it back to the asymmetry I had before. It worked, but they were now over-correcting. So lets try without any bands for a few days and see how you are. Okie! I made a nervous joke about how I thought I would need to be rewired, he said well we're not out of THOSE woods just yet.....Craptastic.

And here I am. I have an appointment tomorrow @ 10am with him to see what the deal is. If I can start with some at-home mouth PT and schedule an appointment with the orthodontist, who I miss dearly. I want to get rid of the damn hooks. STAT!!

I have successfully eaten mashed potatoes and various macaroni's. Its usually a messy task, since I really don't know what the feeling in my jaw looks like, so I require mirrors to watch and some sort of bib/cloth to catch the rogue pieces of food. You can laugh, its funny.

Other than that life is dull. I started work yesterday, it's as uneventful as I left it. Everyone freaking out about job security. Honey, its not just you....Its everyone in this silly country. Just keep your head down and do your job, we'll get through it. If its not meant to be a career path here, then it just will be someplace else. Meh*. I don't worry too much about it. Life goes on. I need to learn how to use my face first.

I'll let you all know how my appointment goes tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed that I stay wire/band/erroneous appliance free!!!

* I can use that word now spell check!! It's been added to the official dictionary!! Eat it!! :-P

Please Pardon Our Appearance

2008-11-15T16:48:00.002-05:00

Ok so some successes and minor challenges facing the unwiring. I'll start with the good stuff...

~ The ability to use my tongue to break down crackers is invaluable.
~ I've learned how to eat without the need of a mirror.
~ Macaroni is good.
~ An increased amount of energy, most likely due to the small increase in calorie intake.
~ I sleep a LOT better now.

Some challenges...
~ The rubber bands are working against the symmetry in my mouth, I think...
~ The Hooks of Death have torn my mouth up into something fierce. I can show you.
~ I have a fat lip. I look like I got punched in the face.
~ Eating is a very very very messy task, I cannot go out in public to eat.
~ I drool like an infant. I need a bib/drool guard.

Overall the few days I have spent dewired were sadly uneventful. Simply because I really can't talk since my mouth is beaten to hell. Once that heals, speaking will be a little clearer and easier. As will eating. One day at a time. I just pray that I don't need to be rewired on monday. PLEASE PLEASE. NO MORE WIRES.

ugh...

2008-11-14T11:37:00.002-05:00

I feel these elastics are working against me. I feel its MAKING my bite shift as opposed to keeping it. But my teeth match up in the back, so I don't get it. Why do my teeth match up in the back, but not in the front? If they take the rubber bands out, does it line up? Or does it stay? I don't get it...

I feel like an infant. I think this part is way harder than being wired shut. This is like a taunt. I can sorta open my mouth, but it just barely doesn't open enough to fit key foods in there. And I don't know how to chew anymore. I have to eat with a mirror, so I can remember the feeling I have when I open and close my mouth. God forbid I venture out and I don't have a mirror with me, I need to remember this crapola. Plus I think the difference between me and a lot of others who get this, don't have the assymmetry. They just have an over/under bite. My muscles were all messed up and now I have to trick them to working with me, and no longer against me.

I wish my face would fix itself. Like I could wake up and *poof*

The Sweet Taste of Freedom

2008-11-13T09:50:00.003-05:00

I am freed!! Well sort of...I got a crazy kaliedoscope of rubber bands on the side of my mouth, but yeah it works.

I have one word to describe this, weird. I don't know how to use my mouth. I don't know what to do with it. How do I open it? How do my muscles work? Do they know where my bite is or do I have to train it? How do I eat? I feel I need to carry a mirror with me everywhere I go, so that when I open and close I see how it works and make sure I stay straight. This is so weird.

I did however manage to cram a mini saltine in there. Boy, I never thought I would love a cracker as much as I do right now. It was so delightful. The taste of freedom comes in the form of solid food.....

Ok so, the surgeon was on the fence. I am for the most part healed. But there still is an iiiiiiiiitty bitty bit left to do. So he wants to see me on monday to make sure my bite hasn't shifted. God forbid if it does, its another week or 2 wired shut to put it back in its place like the rotten child it is. Back to the corner you go!! Don't make me get the belt!!! Otherwise I am clean sailing once everything is all patched up.

So keep your fingers crossed!! Let's not go back to wires!! I think if I had to, that would be the second time in this process I have cried.

I am going to save my de-wiring lessons learned for AFTER my monday appointment. I don't want to go jinxing this by jumping the gun. Hopefully this weekend goes smoothly and I don't have any issues. Like I said keep your fingers crossed. Back to the mirror I go to practice....

Week 5

2008-11-11T06:27:00.003-05:00

Wow...Week 5 is over already. I went back yesterday and looked and the posts earlier in this wired shut ordeal. Some of them are quite comical. If only you all knew what time I actually wrote some of them. I suppose I can be a funny person when I don't have a whole lot of sleep.

So here we are. This is pretty much the end. I get de-wired in 2 days. There have been a lot of ups and downs in this whole process. Thankfully I didn't have anyone doting over me, or there may have been more bad days than good days. However I will save the de-wiring lengthy reflections for Thursday.

Time for some Week 5 Lessons Learned:

~ Its too early for Christmas. That includes all things Christmas-related. Sorry Karen, no Carpenters Christmas album yet.

~ I miss being able to lick my lips. I feel like I molt daily.

~ Daytime TV is awful. No matter how many paternity tests, transgender wedding fights, and cooking shows you watch...the quality has not improved.

~ If you are ever in the southern NH region hunkering for a McDonalds clayshake, go to the McDonalds on Second Street in Manchester. I have sampled most of the McDonalds in the area and they by far have the best recipe.

~ I fall down a lot more when I am weak. I have a thing with falling up stairs, not down. I have the rug burns on my elbows and bruises on my knees to prove it.

~ The movie The Fly, yes the one with Jeff Goldblum, is very disturbing

~ I love/hate IHOP. This fluctuates daily, maybe even hourly.

~ I am now a master of milkshakes. If you ever need a recipe, ask.

~ I love Netflix. I know I have said this every week but they have some delightfully HORRIBLE movies available that I now do not have to be ashamed to buy.

~ Speaking of ashamed....I love the new rendition of Knight Rider

~ I love brushing my teeth. I don't eat much, nor really drink a whole lot, but it just really feels good to keep my teeth clean.

I purchased some Cheerios and Mini Saltines last weekend. I proudly have them displayed on my counter. I cannot wait for thursday so I can crack those babies open. Even if I don't eat a lot, or that I can't really chew them. It's still real food and it isn't soup. Hooray!!

I don't really have much to say this week. All has been quiet for the most part. I really need to thank my friends in this. I really found out who is my friend throughout this ordeal and I cannot express my gratitude for your caring words and just friendship through this. It wasn't easy, but with your help I was able to do it.

Okie that is all for today. I meet with the surgeon on Thursday @ 8am for the de-wiring and the passing of the torch (i.e. returning the wire cutters back to the surgeon). Pray that I don't need further adjustments and need to be re-beartrapped. Talk to you soon!!

End Game

2008-11-10T07:55:00.002-05:00

It is fast approaching. Only 3 days left. Almost to the exact minute.

I cannot believe it is almost over. Like finally. I am looking forward to eating moderately solid food, even if it is mush.

I have learned a lot about myself during this. About willpower and strength. About the peacefulness of being absolutely alone. About how bad daytime TV is.

Thanks again for all your support. I will have my Week 5 updates tomorrow :-)

I Love Fall

2008-11-07T09:13:00.003-05:00

I love fall. I love the leaves, I love Sam Adams' Octoberfest, I love the warm comfort food, I love football, I love Macintosh apples, I love pumpkin pie, I love digging out my nice coats and boots, I love the smell of cinnamon, and who doesn't love apple pie.

Alas, I have missed out on my favorite season this year. I do still have my football, but the Patriots aren't the same, and well I am currently unable to eat foods. I have been taunting myself with my fall Yankee Candles: Apple crisp, pumpkin pie, and home for the holidays. If you didn't know me, you'd swear I was actually cooking something!! It smells wonderful.

*sigh* there is always next year...

Side note, I don't know how much TV everyone watches, but look out for an IHOP commercial about coffee cake pancakes. Seriously if you think they looked good in the ad, DO NOT go to to the website. They have a variation with APPLES!!! mmmmmmm I know what my first meal is going to be....

*walks over to the blender and dumps a can of soup into the blender*

Next year....next year

Hangover

2008-11-06T04:36:00.003-05:00

I am done talking about the election. My post yesterday has been met with down right anger from all sorts of people. I did not mean to offend. That being said please do not offend me by calling me spineless, lazy, free-loading, or a Marxist. I am none of these things and I find that offensive. Stop the pessimism.

Anyways, enough of that. It actually made me mad. I wanted to excitedly tell you that I officially have 1 week left being wired shut. 1 week!! WOOT WOOT!! I think I am going to make a grocery list today I am so excited. I am purposely going to leave soup off of it. God no more soup. PLEASE. Some things to include on my list:

~ Saltines
~ Cheerios
~ Apple jacks
~ Pasta
~ Weight Watcher meals - stuff with chicken. I need the protein
~ Diet coke

SOLID FOOD!! SOLID FOOD!! Yell out from the hills!! HOORAY! HOORAY!

Man, next week is going to be an eternity. I am going to try to be optimistic and wish it away like I have all the other weeks.

I Am Me

2008-11-05T06:06:00.004-05:00

Ok so this is where I go off topic for a post. I want to talk about the election.....

I voted. I voted for change. I voted for peace. I voted for a hopefully improved economy. I voted to end the nonsense about being the world police. I voted for Senator Barack Obama.

Now I have met a LOT of people who will argue with me, tooth and nail, that he is not about change, he is about big government, he has no experience, he doesn't support our troops, even about his name and religion...

Well what I have been saying all along to the super conservatives, you had 8 years. You had who was supposed to be a star pupil. Son of a former president. Where are we now? Now don't get me wrong, under any other circumstances, I have backed John McCain. Actually the 2004 primaries I voted for John McCain. He is a respectable man with good ideas and values. But I cannot vote for another conservative right now. I just cannot. 8 years have been spent...the time for change is now.

That being said, I feel I am a pretty open minded person. I look at all the issues, and see both sides. I love talking politics with educated people because I don't fight or speak irrationally. I like to see if they are seeing something I do not. Maybe even convince me to switch sides. What really upset me about this election, were people who did not actually research issues and look at both sides. Who voted for someone just because of negative ads on TV or because they are partisans. Who are jumping to conclusions about bomb shelters, and removing the 2nd amendment, another 9/11, or even becoming a Communist country. I have heard it all.

In an election that was supposed to unify this country, I have never felt such anger towards my fellow citizens. How can people be so naive? So uneducated? To make comments as irrational as that...It's painful to hear and see. Some of it, is even borderline discrimination. Now I could fly off onto the other end of the spectrum, and say what crazy thing's would have happened, or not happened, if Senator McCain became president, but that's not who I am. That's not why I voted for Barack Obama. I feel this man can actually fix this mess. Not just internally, but foreign policy too. Obviously we have issues at home here with housing and the sinking job market and economy, but look beyond this, the world issues. We've single handedly ruined global economies, we have tarnished our image with other countries who used to be our allies. We need change.

I am not a liberal. I am not a moderate. I am not a conservative. I am me....and I am proud to say I voted for Barack Obama.

***This was not to sway anyone or try to change anyone's views. I respect everyone's rights and opinions, as long as they are educated :-) ***

Week 4

2008-11-04T06:22:00.002-05:00

Here we are again. The week's go by a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle bit faster now. Maybe it's because I am just wishing them away. Life is boring here at home. Boring and lonely. But hey, almost done right? weeeeeeee

Ok so here is some fun stuff I got out of week 4:

~ Chef Boyardee faux lasagna blends really well believe it or not

~ I can recite the entire JG Wentworth 877-CASHNOW operatic commercial

~ I am sick of soup. Although the Sirloin Burger and Veggies blends and tastes the best.

~ After all the Halloween morning shows were done last Friday, I saw my first Christmas ad on TV. Gross!!!

~ I have found appreciation in coloring....again

~ I wish I could get rid of my chipmunk cheeks! But I know the reason is because there is a ton of crap in my mouth.

~ I think I would sell my arms right now for a Townhouse cracker.

~ I have no idea what they are made out of (possibly some sort of clay), but McDonald's shakes are the best

~ Dunkin donuts is a rip off

As you can tell I have ventured out a bit more in the last week. I can pretty much coherently talk aside from a bit of muffling. So I am not too ashamed in going out. It's still a bit difficult to smile at times, so I think some people may think I am being rude, which I am not. But oh well.

If you didn't read yesterday's post, I am OFFICIALLY being cut out of the trap in my mouth next Thursday @ 8am, 11/13. HOORAY!! I am so excited I don't even know what to do, say. I get to go REAL grocery shopping this weekend and buy food that is SOLID, sorta!!! WOOOOO

That's really the biggest news I have. I cannot wait to be freed! One more week of soup and straws, and all things blended, I can do it. I've made it this far, there is no turning back now!!

Have a wonderful day everyone! I will upload some new weekly pictures this afternoon!

And don't forget to vote ;-)

Jumping on the Soap box...

2008-11-04T06:15:00.002-05:00

Ok so before I go into my weekly updates I just ask one thing of my readers: Please...PLEASE...go out and vote today.

This is a very important election and will help shape the country, and hopefully fix it, for the next 4 years. I don't care who you vote for, McCain or Obama, thats a personal choice. But just make sure you make time to go vote.

I of course have an endless amount of free time so I will be making my way to the polling center around 830am.

It is our right as Americans to express who we wish to run this country, please use it.

VOTE!

APPLAUSE

2008-11-03T13:53:00.003-05:00

10 DAYS!!!! 10 FREAKIN DAYS!!

I am so excited that my stomach is growling. 10 DAYS!! *squee*

Ok so if you couldn't figure out, the surgeon said ok to cutting me out next Thursday! I have my appointment to free me at 8am on 11/13!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Downside is I may have to have rubber bands for an extra week, depending on how I have healed and if my bite starts to shift at all. Downside number 2, I will be able to open my mouth at MOST 1/2 an inch. Yeah thats about enough for a spoon or a piece of macaroni, or something chopped up into REALLY small bites. Whatever, I can SPEAK!! I can EAT!! I don't care what it is as long as it is solid!!!

10 DAYS!!

Questions. Questions. Questions.

2008-11-03T05:20:00.003-05:00

So I am coming up on the home stretch here. 2 more weeks left of this nonsense. It seems like just yesterday I was at week 2, griping. No not really. I think this is the first time in my life where time did not fly by and it really did seem like the eternity that it was. And those damn IHOP coffee cake pancake commercials have been taunting me every single day. Damn you IHOP and your tasty breakfast!!

So I meet with the surgeon today and I have a few questions for him. But I think I need some sort of strategy in the way and order I ask them.

1 - What can I eat when you cut me out of this mess?
2 - Where exactly are there going to be rubber bands in my mouth?
3 - Can I pretty pretty please get cut out on November 13th?

I kinda sorta know the answer to the first one. It's going to be a trial and error on my part. I would assume small pieces of juicy meats (chicken, turkey), macaroni, breads...stuff like that. Basically anything I can cram in there. ha ha ha. I will have my wheat thin I have been dreaming about!!!

The second question is kind of a two parter. The reason I ask this question is so I can make an appointment with my orthodontist, and really determine what I can eat. Obviously if there are 823764 rubber bands all around my mouth, I'm still rocking the liquids, or I am going to cheat and take them out on occasion to eat something. However, if they are put on the sides, that allows for some play with foods. Also, if they are on the sides, I can get these horrid hooks taken out of my brackets on the front teeth. Just for an idea of how AWFUL these hooks are, the inside of my lower lip is SCARRED from the destruction they caused. SCARRED!! My orthodontist's office is like the mall at Christmas too, so the sooner I can call for an appointment the better. All erroneous metal will be taken out as soon as possible.

So that comes to question 3. I think I may lie, and say I am going away for the weekend and won't be back until Monday night. So if it is at all possible to remove these wires Thursday morning 11/13, it would be greatly appreciated. Also, I can then call my ortho and get an appointment for the same day to get the erroneous hooks out. I also, refuse to be wired shut any longer than necessary. If I am done on 11/18, you will cut me out by 11/18. If that is not possible, you will do it the day before, or whatever. I will not go beyond 11/18. There is no room for debate or discussion on that. I am sticking to my ground. I have a sinking feeling he will say no...but as my mom said, it doesn't hurt to ask right?

I am sick of soup. So sick of soup that I don't even want to look at it anymore. The cans of soup in my cupboard make me angry. Although I have overcome my overwhelming sense of hunger for the most part. Unless I am at a party, like I was this weekend, and they order 5 large pizza's and everyone is scarfing food in front of me. That's a bit of a taunt. I know they don't do it intentionally, and I don't want any special treatment, but man, that pizza looked goooooood.

Funny story, cause it has happened to me three times now. My poor cousin was asking me 826 questions about my mouth, face, how I felt, asked what I was doing, etc. I told her I was fine, just bored at home. I don't do too much since everyone is at work. She said "Oh I have some meetings in Merrimack on Wednesday, maybe I can pick you up and we can do lunch or something!" I kinda chuckled and said, "well if they can blend it I can eat it". She felt so bad. I told her no worries, she wasn't the only one who had done it. Its' funny how people take for granted just the basic functions, like eating food daily. Appreciate it. Please. I am hungry.

I would never say this experience has been fun, cause it most certainly has not. I've had my good days and bad days. More bad than good, but that's beside point. If anyone ever approached me about how I felt about this, and that they were unsure about doing it, I would tell them to do it. For the sole reason that the end result is fabulous. Granted I am not done yet, I still have at LEAST 6 months left in orthodontics, but right now, I have never loved my bite, and the symmetry of my face this much. I have never been able to take a head-on picture that I liked, now I can't stop looking. Its wonderful. Its everything I had hoped it would be....and it is only going to get better. If you're considering it, do it, take the jump...you won't regret it.

Have a wonderful day!

There is a reason for the madness...

2008-10-30T06:47:00.002-04:00

So now that I look human again, for the most part, I've taken up a new activity. I venture out and run miscellaneous errands. Mall, haircut, nails, grocery store, home depot...you name it I'll go. However, it never fails....it starts with an inquisitive look, then the eyes wander to my mouth and their head tilts. I know they don't MEAN to do it. It's human nature, something is off, you want to know why. I am not offended, by no means...it's a crappy situation. So here I am explaining to everyone and their uncle that my mouth is wired shut, for how long, and if I am in pain. Hell I can even replay the conversation word for word in my head as I type this.

Me: *insert question or answer to clerk's question here*
Clerk: *pause* oh.....ok
*Clerk stares*
*I half smile*
Me: My mouth is wired shut. I had jaw surgery
Clerk: Were you in an accident?
Me: No, just crappy genetics. I willingly fixed it.
Clerk: Oh wow, does it hurt?
Me: Not anymore, I am just hungry *chuckle*
*Clerk nervously laughs*
Clerk: Feel better soon and good luck!!

And then...there is my wonderful loving mother. Who feels the need to tell everyone in the town of Merrimack that I had jaw surgery. If anyone reading this thinks I talk a lot, meet my mother. She puts me to SHAME. My point being is I went to get a haircut yesterday. Ive been going to this salon for years as has my mother. Poor Jeannie. My mom told her my life story about my surgery, recovery, probably my daily caloric intake last week. So here I am at the hair salon yesterday. She waits until after I am done my hair and cashing out...and she goes.... "......does it...hurt? How much longer?" I laughed, and politely told her how much longer and that I truly am in no pain.

Is it really too much to ask to have a conversation that doesn't revolve around my mouth being wired shut? I go out for a taste of normalcy, and maybe some sort of escape from this. Boy I cannot wait to see my mother's side of the family on Saturday.....Won't that be fun.

Say Cheeeeeeeeeeeese

2008-10-29T12:37:00.003-04:00

I have now mastered a basic facial expression.....wanna know what it is???

It's a SMILE!!! Lookie lookie...

3 Weeks

2008-10-28T05:38:00.003-04:00

So this would put me officially half way there. 3 Weeks are done, 3 weeks left to go. You know, I could have lied yesterday at the surgeon's and gotten out of this nonsense a week earlier. He asked me "Wait, is this the end of week 3 going INTO week 4? Or is this the end of week 4 going into week 5?" I didn't capitalize. My Irish guilt got the best of me and I said the correct thing, end of week 3. If I lied, who knows what would happen if I got out of this too early. I could end up looking like a character from a 'Saw' movie.

Anyways, each week I have been doing things I have learned over the course of the last week. Don't think I won't be doing that this week....*drum roll*

Week 3 Conclusions:

~ Idahoan fake potatoes are the BEST fake potatoes out on the market. Trust me. I have eaten enough different types to know.

~ Idahoan is a funny word

~ I am sick of soup. This has resulted in putting creative things in the blender...Most have been met with a trip down the garbage disposal.

~ I get really crabby when I am hungry. See earlier posts, and ask my mother when she ran me ragged this past weekend

~ I enjoy rainy days, they make me feel better about sitting inside on my couch

~ I am no longer afraid to go out in public. I can audibly speak for the most part, and most of the swelling is gone (Check the pictures)

~ They make tooth brushes for 4 month old's. All different types. Really do they have that much cognitive reasoning to decide between Elmo or a cute bear?

~ I have yet to see Saw V, and I will not waste money to see it in the theatre...however.... I have watched all of the prior movies finally and I can officially say that, everything after the first one was garbage.

~ It is not allowed to snow yet. Period

~ I miss flossing my teeth

~ I am fierce at Canasta and Cribbage...Senior homes watch out for me

So that's about all I have for this week. I really don't miss solid food as much as I used to. I think I have just kind of accepted it and moved on. There are bigger fish to fry. Like to pooooooooossibly get cut out of these things a few days early (only like 3) so I can be unwired for the Pats game that I am going to. ha ha ha I am awful. I will ask that NEXT week at the surgeon.

Hard to believe that my next appointment is November 3. Eeek it's November already!! Although Hallmark has been playing Christmas music for 2-3 weeks now..... No joke....It seems as though Christmas gets earlier every year.

I am babbling. I miss human contact. I love to talk to people/anyone who will listen to me so I use this as an outlet.

Anyways have a super day everyone!! I will talk to you soon!

Extra Extra! Read It While It's Hot!!

2008-10-27T16:49:00.002-04:00

New pictures are up!! Check'em out.

I am only going to do weekly photo updates. I don't change enough day to day to really notice a difference. So you will get weekly photo updates. I am still a liiiiiiiiittle swollen on my right side as seen in the pictures. This is what causes the slight asymmetry in my face. Once that all goes down, I will be all pretty and such.

Now go check them out!!

Almost Doesn't Count...

2008-10-27T05:53:00.004-04:00

Except for in horse shoes and hand grenades. That's what my mom always said to me as a kid. Well bust out the hand grenades and let's go play out in the horse shoe pit!!

Week 4 is right around the corner. That puts me in the home stretch of this nonsense!! HOORAY!! I can already taste the real food.

I started brushing my teeth yesterday. However I am not able to use a REAL toothbrush so I had to go out and buy one. Did you know they make toothbrushes for 4 month olds? I never knew that, but I suppose they have teeth that need to be brushed too...So I am rocking the Cookie Monster baby tooth brush. It's pretty badass and I know you are all jealous. It just felt so good to brush my teeth finally.

I have a sweet story to tell people if I do venture out. I go rummaging through my pocketbook and dig out my diagram and my wire cutters. I have to carry these with me at all times. In case I start choking, or if I feel sick, I need to be able to cut the wires that are holding my mouth together. People get totally freaked out by it. It makes me laugh. Who needs a halloween costume when I look like a freak already?! I am such an evil woman...ha ha ha ha ha ha

As for pain and discomfort, all I have left really is the inside of my cheeks. They kinda look like ground hamburger. All those wires and knots have really torn me up. Also, periodically, I get a numbing sensation in my chin area, the part that was numb at the beginning of all of this, but I am sure as the bone heals, that will happen. Meh, I am not too concerned with that. I just wish my cheeks would toughen up. I know I could use wax, but that stuff is a NIGHTMARE to try and get out of your braces when you need it out. The other times my mouth just toughened up, this not so much. GAH....pretty soon it will all be done and I won't have to worry about it.

Going to visit the surgeon today. Maybe he'll say we can start thinking about when we are going to take these god forsaken wires out. That would make me happy. I know I know...everyone, family, friends, and strangers, have told me. Don't rush to get out of the wires. Stay in them until the doctor says so. blah blah blah blah. My blanket answer to all of you. I will have 9469482 x-rays done before he even considers cutting me out of the trap....so don't worry. I will not be able to persuade him to free me sooner.

Alrighty, I hope you all have a lovely day. I will talk to you tomorrow. :-)

Something a little light hearted...

2008-10-23T08:40:00.003-04:00

I've been a cantankerous wench the last 3 weeks. I apologize. I chose this....I have no one to blame but myself. I will get over this grumbly phase I promise....

That being said, I found a fun site with all sorts of suggestions, tips, and tricks. http://home.cfl.rr.com/bjaw/index.html

It has a bunch of great info about what you can eat, what to expect....blah blah blah. However, I did find this one part VERY amusing. She lists ways you may have broken your jaw:

Rugby
Jet Ski accident
Auto accident
Motorcycle accident
Paraglider accident
By choice, for medical reasons
Fight/Mugged
Tag with Rocks
Hit by baseball
Hit by golf ball
Fall

This was taken right from the site. No joke.....tag with rocks?!?!? REALLY?!?! Who in God's name played tag with rocks?!?! Isn't that assault?!?!? I mean I took my share of diggers as a kid, and got the crap beaten out of me in many a game....but I never heard of tag with rocks....

Another day...

2008-10-22T06:47:00.003-04:00

I woke up this morning, and my stomach was growling...

It's sad when this is common. Its like waking up in the spring and hearing the bird's chirping. Or in the the winter and hearing the sound of the snow plow....This is what it must be like to be starving.

I am hungry....and I am only in the middle of Week 3. HALF-WAY. ugh....please....feed me

2 Weeks

2008-10-21T07:29:00.004-04:00

Well lookie here. Week 2 has come and gone. I am 1/3 of the way done with this wired shut business...*cue fanfare*

Excuse me for my lack of excitement. I am a bit disheartened and jaded by this whole process. I just want to be able to SPEAK normally again. It's quite frustrating. Anyways, I am not here to vent today. I will save that for another day :-)

Things I have learned from the 2nd week -

~ Chunky Soups, although they look horrid, taste super when blended.

~ I can officially make a homemade Orange Julius!! And it tastes pretty good!!

~ Please please please watch The Midnight Meat Train. If you thought the movie Hostel was bad, oh this one is waaaaaaaaay worse. If this says anything it was straight to On-Demand....free

~ Despite Wyman making fun of me relentlessly, I heart my Slanket

~ I am sick of explaining to people why my mouth is wired shut. My mouth is wired shut, 6 weeks, and yes it sucks

~ Lowe's opens at 6am...and I can proudly say I have been there when they open

~ A walk outside is a great detox for the mind

~ Big sunglasses are my saviors...It helps me look humanoid

~ And again, naps are key when you don't eat enough.

That's about all I have for this week. Feel free to email me at home. I welcome the distraction :-)

Talk to you soon!!

Please fasten your seat belts and stay in your seat...

2008-10-20T13:46:00.002-04:00

Yeah...not a good day for me.

I visited the surgeon today. After last week, where he told me I was doing faaaaaaaaaaaaabulous, I had high hopes. Maybe, just maybe, I will be freed after 4 weeks. Yeah not so much. He told me today that I will be wired shut for the FULL 6 weeks. LAME. Best part though, is that AFTER he frees me from the bear trap in my mouth, I get these heavy rubber bands for another 1-2 weeks. We all know it will be 2 weeks. That's just the way it works. So it's like freeing someone from a net, but keeping their left leg stuck in it....you're allowed to stand and stretch, but no getting away just yet!! ugh....

So to make myself feel better I went and visited my good Korean friends at KT Nail. :-)

I also picked up 25 dollars worth of soup since this will be my source of protein/nutrition for the next 4 weeks. ugh...4 WEEKS!! I have to think positive. I am 1/3 done already...and after NEXT Tuesday, I will be halfway there.

By the way, I don't know how many of you watch the series Heroes. I started watching it via Netflix. It's pretty good! I highly recommend it!

So that's my story today. Another day spent on my couch watching reruns of Intervention and Take Home Chef. It's a sad sad world....Thank god I have Curtis Stone to get me through it.

talk to you soon!

I never hated a hyphen so much...

2008-10-20T07:02:00.004-04:00

4 - 6 weeks...

That's how long the surgeon told me I would be wired shut. You know, I've never broken anything that needed to be casted. Only fingers and toes. But I do know people who have broken things....And they hear the same thing 4-6, or 6-8, weeks.

You know, that first number is a huuuuuuuuge line of bull. They tell you that, so you get these huge expectations that hey, maybe I'll heal super fast and I'll be done with this sooner!! yay! When deep in the back of our minds, we all know we are in it for the long haul. That last number is the REAL reality and the first number, was just to make you feel better about your situation.

I am still holding out for that first number....Sometimes dreams do come true

1 Week

2008-10-14T05:34:00.003-04:00

Well well....

1 Week is now complete. Crazy right? I am starting to see some semblance of a real face here. Most of the pain is gone, the only real true discomfort I have from the procedure itself is when I try to lay down/Sleep. I think it has to do with the positioning of my bones and the ravaging that occurred in my sinuses, which still have not FULLY healed as of yet. Of course the amount of erroneous metal in my mouth is incredibly inconvenient let alone uncomfortable, but I suppose I can make do with what is in front of me.

My sleeping pattern is all out of whack. I can't sleep more than 4 hours at a time. I used to be someone who required AT LEAST 6 hours a night to function fully and properly. I suppose when you have nothing to do the next day you don't need as much sleep? I don't know.

I met with the surgeon yesterday. He said I look good, actually better than I should, and that I am ahead of the normal healing schedule. He'll see me in a week. Damn it Jody. You have to be an overachiever at everything don't you? I'm only happy when I'm on top hahahahahaha

I am going to take my walk today, the leaves are pretty. I have some things i have to drop off at the office and according to Channel 9 right now, it it going to be a lovely afternoon for a walk. So now i have to somehow find some sneakers in my closet of heels and head on out.

Things I have learned in this last week of recovery -

~ I don't get along well with over the counter pain killers. This is the second time I have been prescribed a pain killer and it has made me sick. Its either the big stuff or nothing.

~ The Elliot hospital is a weird weird place. I don't know if its the meds they give people, or just people around here are just weird period.

~ Betty Crocker is my hero

~ Maury Povich does nothing but paternity tests now. Seriously!! But it's funny cause they are all super trashy and ghetto. I love when the "alleged" fathers dance when they are told they are not the father.

~ Naps are not just for kids.

~ Bacitracin does not heal busted lips despite popular belief. I have a super secret Mexican cream that has worked like a CHARM.

So that's all I have for today. Thank you all for reading my jibberish/rants/miscellaneous whatevers every day. I will continue to entertain for as long as I am home.

Feel free to leave a comment.

Talk to you soon!

SUCCESS!!

2008-10-14T05:24:00.002-04:00

You know how I said in an earlier post, how that we take for granted those little things we get to see/have everyday? Yeah yesterday was totally one of those days for me.

Sitting at home, trying to fight off any lunch hunger pains I had, i decided to be a bit daring. I drove out to the ghetto grocery. (Side note: Ghetto Grocery is Stop and Shop, thats what we called it in Bridgeport, CT so it has just stuck) I made an executive decision, I was going to attempt to eat some sort of REAL carbohydrate if it kills me. Water and juice wasn't cutting it. I totally forgot it was a holiday yesterday and to my horror, the grocery was a ZOO. uggggh. Head down, hat pulled low, texting anyone who will talk to me. Hell even if they weren't texting back, I was still texting them. Anything to prevent making eye contact. I grabbed the first instant mashed potatoes i could find. Betty Crocker. Can't go wrong with Betty right? Well I get back to my car and i instantly have regrets, these so called mashed potatoes only require water. hmmmm Wellp what the hell right...I get home and make them as soupy as possible by adding milk, a lot of milk, to them. They smelled good! Now comes the task of eating them. Thankfully I have some friends in the Elliot Health System who hooked me up with a GIANT syringe called a Catheter Syringe. Don't know it? Google it. It's 60mLs. Let me tell you....I didn't eat very much, but that was the BEST 30mLs of crappy instant potatoes EVER.

Welcome to my So-Called Life

2008-10-13T10:08:00.003-04:00

Monday Monday Monday...

I remember being a kid and being sooooooooo excited to stay home from school. Even if i was sick or better yet a snow day. Yeah that doesn't work so much as an adult. I miss the comforts of a daily routine. As much as complain and moan about work, my personal life, household chores...I actually kinda miss it all.

I've been somewhat of a hermit for almost a week now and i am starting to go a bit stir crazy. Maybe it's because i haven't found a rhythm yet as to what to do with my day, I mean it has only been a week. Maybe I can't stand the way I look right now, I just want to look human again and not someone who got beaten upside the face with a lead pipe. Its just frustrating. So to fix this, I am going to set myself some goals for this week:

~ Make somewhat of a REAL meal in a blender, something with substance that does not include a milkshake or some sort of broth.

~ Take a walk outside every day. Hey the weather is nice still and the Heritage trail is in my backyard. I can throw a baseball hat and some sunglasses on and wander around during the day.

That's all I have right now, maybe next week one of those can actually be wandering out to a public place for an hour....*cue dramatic music* So we shall see.

I'll upload a few more pictures today. I have an appointment with the surgeon today another follow up. I have to tell him i still haven't regained full feeling in my chin yet, maybe he actually DID bust that nerve. hahahaha. That would suck. I can hear everyone now: don't joke about that Jody. That's not funny.

To ease everyone, any nerve trauma, even mild, can take weeks, months, sometimes years, depending on the extent to regain full sensation back into it. If it ever comes back. I looked at the x-ray before I left. The nerve is intact, so maybe he just nicked it. meh. I am not going to worry about it until 2 weeks from now. If i still can't feel parts of my chin then we can discuss. We all know this is, and has been, a work in progress.

Until next time my friends :-)

Hunger Pains

2008-10-11T11:55:00.004-04:00

I am so hungry its not even funny. It seems as though every ad on the TV is for some sort of snack or meal, basically anything I cannot eat. Incredibly frustrating.

But today, today was the best day so far. Today i had to stop taking pain killers. I physically was unable to get out of bed without the urge to vomit. So here was my choice. Take the pain killers and lay in bed, or risk walking around then frantically cut the wires that are holding my mouth shut. Yeah I am going to lay low. I can only hope i feel better tomorrow. Or even well enough to eat some sort of soup or ice cream. Anything.

As you can see I have uploaded pictures from my last few days as I promised. I kinda seesaw back from a lot of swelling to almost none at all. Ive been religious with the ice, in hopes that it will go away faster. I'll take some pictures tonight maybe i look a bit better.

So check the pictures out and I'll talk to you soon.

MDK someone ....anyone

2008-10-09T17:10:00.003-04:00

so I am home...

I spent an extra night there because they cut me off of the "good stuff" cold turkey at 4pm on Wednesday. And put me on some pain killers that have been known in the past to make me incredibly sick. So i stayed another night. I love being home, I cannot stand the excruciating pain i am currently in. I can only hope this subsides with the grotesque swelling i have.

Although having a broken jaw does not hurt NEARLY as much as them ripping a breathing tube out of your nose. Why oh why did they have to wait til i was awake to take that out? I would have been happy to have been told that my nose was going to profusely bleed, but not see the apparatus that caused it. I actually cried. I know, I cried.

I don't know if i will get all my pictures uploaded today, if not today I have to be mildly mobile tomorrow for a followup with the doc. Make sure everything is in place. He was concerned with some the longer lasting numbing on the right side of my face. So I think that's why he wants to see me.

I will hopefully have one or 2 uploaded before the day is out, but no guarantees. I may just have my broth and my diet coke and pass the hell out til i need another dosage of pain killers.

Thank you for the cards, flowers, and well wishes. It was nice to know that people were caring and concerned. I am alive, and i may look like i belong amongst the living as soon as this weekend.

I will talk to all of you soon. Hopefully I'll be in a mildly better mood.

What day is today??

2008-10-07T04:59:00.004-04:00

Welcome to D-Day...FINALLY. It's 430 am and i am getting my act together to head on over to the hospital. Still not really that nervous and that seems to surprise people. You know, I've been waiting, HOPING, for this day for over a year now when this whole convoluted process began. Its more of a relief than it is nerve wracking. However there are 2 things that freak me out:

1 - Spending the night at the hospital. I just want to be in my bed. Is that so hard????
2 - Waking up with my mouth wired shut.

The second is a tad bit more scary than the first. I think some good meds will get me through the night. But I think I may have a panic attack when i wake up and i cannot communicate. Its a scary thought. I was talking with a friend who recently lost his licence and he had some very sage words: We really take advantage of those simple conveniences like being able to drive a car or speak. I think you'll find within a week or 2, how much you really miss just saying Hello to someone.

So true.

So here i sit. Last day with my old crooked face...kind of sobering right? I've had this for 27 years, and now, I'll look different. Not Joan Rivers different, but enough for people to ask me if I got a haircut. So wish me luck. I'll be back on Wednesday with pictures and a whole trick-or-treat bag of medications. (and no I will not share. I will need every last one)

Talk to you soon!!

Pieces are coming together...

2008-09-20T17:12:00.000-04:00

Hey all!

Soooo update time.

Its been a never-ending game of tug-o-war between Surgeons and Harvard pilgrim. I know it takes 'x' amount of hours to update etc etc....just trying to get everyone on the same page has been excruciating. I think i may have actually succeeded.

So surgery and stay in the hospital is tentatively scheduled for 10/7 - 10/11. weeeeeeee

i have my "dry run" on 10/1 and my pins get put in on 10/2

My OMS told me that he did not feel comfortable with getting rid of my gummy smile so i have been outsourced, and expedited, to a plastic surgeon. I meet with him on 9/29....The one question remains, is this part of the whole package. Cause if it isnt, I am almost certain that my HMO will not pay for it. urgh. I suppose that can be a phone call for another day.

More calls...more questions...but i can finally see the light, even if it is little, at the end of this tunnel. Its way out there, but its there none the less.

weeeeeeeeeeeee

Getting my Portfolio together

2008-08-31T15:56:00.000-04:00

yeah yeah I know its been a while...what can I say, I've been busy. I'll give you a break down of the last month and a half...

August 6th - I had 2 surgeons playing with my face. Let me tell you it is nearly impossible to not giggle incessantly when 2 dudes are pulling on your lip and cheeks to see what tissue is stretchy. I kinda felt bad. More head shots...about 4 more before I left on that day. Dr. Babameto (yes that's his name) told me he'd see me in 2 weeks on August 19th.

August 8th - My Birthday!! woot woot! I don't remember much of it, but that's a good thing right??

August 19th - more head shots, 2 more. I made a REALLY bad joke in radiology...something along the lines of having more head shots than a supermodel when this is all said and done. I wonder how many times they have heard that one. The surgeon told me we're shooting for 3rd or 4th week of September for the blowing up of my face. Whether that's concrete or not, I have no idea. They seem a bit disorganized there, or maybe just disorganized in comparison to me. They made a fake mold of my face to do pretend surgery so they know what they're doing when they go in there. I certainly hope they know what the hell they are doing!!! I got the don't call us, we'll call you....urgh

so now, its been a week and a half, no response from the Elliot....do I call and be a bitch? Or do I wait? I don't know. Being the anal person that I am, I kinda want to call, however, I want to wait and see if they call me this week...you know? urgh. I hate this god forsaken hospital.

Anyways, that's the latest scoop. Hopefully soon guys!

Catch ya sometime this week.

Somebody, somewhere loves me

2008-07-10T20:11:00.000-04:00

I GOT IT!!

I GOT THE GREEN LIGHT!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO

FINALLY there will be an end to this.

Cause I frankly am too excited to type this is what you get...Appointment with the surgeon on Aug 6th so he can play with my crooked face to make it work. weeeeeee

be excited!

Just Like When You Were A Kid

2008-07-08T17:28:00.000-04:00

Paste will always taste like paste...

Welcome! Wow its been a whole like month since I wrote on this pig. Work is going well. Busy of course, but none the less well but that's not why you come to read this right?

Today was....*drum roll* Ortho appointment!! So why did I mention paste? Well I had more molds done! mmmmmmm yummy....I love eating that garbage...and it tastes like paste. If you say you never ate paste, not even once, I call you a liar. Anyways...new molds, new pictures, same wires....They gave me the don't call us, we'll call you routine, and made an appointment for the 29th of July. Maybe I'll snipe some of the pictures from my orthodontist's page to get some professional crooked head shots.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

meh...ho hum...another day, another ortho visit. Can I get my new face yet? Please?

The Cool Kid

2008-06-13T05:36:00.000-04:00

Its official...

My face is soooooooo crooked now that i now spit and sometimes even lisp a little when i talk. Yep....and I don't have another Ortho appointment until July 8th.

On the bright side, I do have a new party trick. "hey guys, watch this! I cant bite my teeth together and stick my tongue out the side!! Cool right?!"

Check these out...

187 MDK My Face

2008-06-03T18:50:00.000-04:00

Wow....so I suppose my orthodontist decided it would be good to take the aggressive route. She DOES have new molds...so she would know where I currently am, and where I need to be...I dunno though...

So I went in for a fun filled adjustment, which I now call the "oil change" at work since they are so few and far between, and she took out my wires and I had to sit there. There was some code B5...C6...A10...no its not battleship its my face....that the hygienist needed information about. So I happened to peer down at the wires that were about to be put in. BAD IDEA!! BAD IDEA!! First, it was a solid 1/4 of an inch wider than my last one, as in wider than my current bite...and it didn't give...not a smidgen. I know this for 2 reasons, the hygienist showed me, and well lets just say it took some crafty hand work and a pair of industrial pliers/a vice to get it in there and tie it all in....Lordy....my face hurts so much, I am hungry for REAL food, and my face is so much more crooked than it ever has been. But it's SUPPOSED to get worse before it gets better right?! RIGHT?!?!?!

Anyways, i was informed that i get more molds done at the next "oil change"...so that makes this uber aggressive approach a liiiiiiiiiittle more tolerable.

I will keep you posted.

Vacation time!

2008-04-24T18:30:00.002-04:00

Time for some well deserved R&R... I'll be jet-setting off to Mexico in just 2 days. Thank God. I am mentally wiped...

I will catch you all upon my return

Catch ya laters!

And so the darkness continues...

2008-04-18T05:36:00.000-04:00

I got the no go....Actually, I just got a phone call that said that they need to see me in 6 weeks.

whoop-dee-do.

I am sooooo over this whole process.

Cue Jeopardy Music

2008-04-14T18:45:00.000-04:00

And so the wait begins. I expressed my urgency to get this information as soon as possible as I will be out of the country for a full 7 days without a phone. My account was noted...so we shall see....

Random side note: We all remember what it was like to get impressions taken as a kid. If you had any sort of orthodontic appliance you had one done, and you probably choked on it too. Now thankfully the solution/clay/crap is a little bit thicker now so it doesnt drip as much, but holy hell....When that sticks to brackets, that stuff doesnt come off. I thought the woman was going to rip my brackets off, with my teeth still attached. I have no idea how it finally got out, but I pray to God that they don't have to do it again. Maybe thats why I have a headache today....Or maybe thats just all the solution/clay/crap that I have eaten is making me sick. Discuss amongst yourselves....

I just want to know already...

2008-04-13T12:14:00.000-04:00

I am kinda nervous and excited all at once about my appointment tomorrow...Is that weird?

I mean on one hand, it could go fabulously and the orthodontist calls me 2 or 3 days after and tells me I am ready to get surgery. Which, as exciting as it would be, it also incredibly frightening all at once. But to branch off of my last post, I just want to know there will be an end in the not-so-distant future.

Or she could call me in a week or so and say "Well I think we need to move some more stuff around..." Come on lady!! What else is there to move?! My teeth havent been moved a lot as it is! Where else can my teeth go?? My nose?!

Let's get this show on the road...

This is me...

2008-03-21T07:35:00.000-04:00

Well its been a while huh? After reading about 82635872365 other blogs and web pages regarding this fun filled adventure I made an executive decision: I need to update this pig more. So here I am.

Whats new....hmm....Well i have about $7k less in my bank account....that's exciting right? hahaha...Maybe I am just not as enthusiastic about this whole thing as others because, well people can be superficial. *RANT ALERT* *RANT ALERT* I tried to not let this whole process deter me from any social life I had prior. I have made a full fledged effort in going out and meeting new people, and hanging out with old friends. I have had the BEST phony upbeat attitude one can have. Believe you me, I am one of the best fakers around. But seriously, that doesn't ease the twinge of hurt you get when you meet someone new and that very first reaction they have when you open your mouth and they see you have braces. I can now pick that face out of ANY crowd, regardless of the amount of alcohol in my system. I know this whole thing is just temporary, and I have heard an ENDLESS amount of supporting stories....that doesn't make this any easier on me. I know shocker, right? I guess you could call this hitting a wall. The time when you wonder, is this really all worth it? I mean I haven't had surgery yet, I can go back to Go and fore go my 200 bucks right? *sigh* I just want this all over and done with so i can get on with my life...

Ortho news: In the last orthodontic appointment, the orthodontist asked me if we had a "game plan" for when all the surgery was going to go down. I told her the original game plan was to have surgery in May/Early June time frame. She then said that those dates sounded about right and that at my next appointment in April they would do molds, to give me the go ahead or if i needed more work. PRAISE THE LORD!! I feel like i have been flying at night without night vision since this whole ordeal began. Now i may actually have gone far enough in this tunnel of hell to see the light at the end. It may be incredibly far away, but at least i know its there now! So i called my HR department and got my LOA paperwork going so that i can be ready if i am ready to go. YAY!

So what is the original game plan for surgery you ask? let me tell you. 4 months in braces in hopes to shift my bite enough to only do one surgery on both jaws. I have a very narrow upper jaw so they would need to widen and plate that. Unfortunately if it has to be wider than 3mm i would need some funky contraption known as an expander (ew). My bottom jaw needs to go back and sliiiiiiiightly to the left. The OMS told me its approximately a 7.5hr surgery. Sweet right? I'll be like the bionic woman once this is done...hahaha

So today i FINALLY uploaded some pictures on this. Before braces and a bunch while i have them. If i get the OK in April, i will take some more so that we have some good shots. And of course once i have surgery I will have nothing else to do but take pictures of my beat up face so you'll be overloaded then....weeeee

Good luck everyone else going through this. We will all get through this together. Until next time...

Wicked Benders and a Nickel Plated grille

2007-12-27T11:16:00.001-05:00

OK so I apologize for being so late with the updates. Annual enrollment is finally complete and some resemblances to my life are starting to come back...so I can now fill you in on the fun known as my experience at the Elliot....

So i left off with the upcoming meeting with the surgeon. Now I was on the fence about the whole thing to begin with, however this dude, Babameto is his last name, has some good credentials. (I did my homework before i agreed to have ANYONE at the Elliot Hospital operate on my for an extended period of time. ) So to make a long story short, he said i was most certainly a surgery case however it wasn't a functional cross bite, but a natural one. Skip ahead few weeks and my orthodontist and my surgeon are playing phone tag. Trying to get a hold of this guy is harder than finding bin Laden.....Once he was finally found in his cave hideout, i found out i needed a CT scan before i could proceed with surgery in the spring. They cut this super close as in 3 weeks i was to get the dreaded braces put on. I called my favorite bitchy secretary , who i would later find out is named Pam, and they scheduled me in for the scan fairly quickly. Little did I know it would take 3 WEEKS to get results that are usually ready within 2 days. I ended up getting the bittersweet confirmation the morning of my orthodontic appointment that I was able to proceed with getting the braces put on...

*phew*
So that was about what 4 months worth of data? Anyways I have been in braces for a month now and i can already see teeth moving. I was unsure at the beginning what kind i would be able to have, keeping my fingers crossed i could get the clear ones....negative...nickel braces for me, just like the ones you had when you were 12...sweet right? The original overall plan was 2 months in, surgery, then moving the teeth after. However they want to try and avoid additional "orthodontic appliances" as they say so its 4months then surgery, and then whatever it is they do after. Orthodontic appliances?! REALLY?!?! Like why can't they say an even more painful way of manipulating bones in your head....when i hear appliances i think a blender or a toaster.... So is it like a toaster for my mouth? Is there a button somewhere to make a margarita out of my teeth or a milkshake? ugh...

As much as i hate it there isn't much i can do. My dating/social life has suffered which was expected. Ive gotten some mixed feedback...good and bad...At least its only a year, 18 months max....*sigh* I'll truck on through like i have everything else

anyways, I'll post some pictures on here tonight...once of me before braces and now with my sexy new nickel plated grille. I'll be back in a few weeks to let you all know how i am doing.

Until then,

~Jody

Step one: Cut a Hole in the box

2007-08-29T22:30:00.000-04:00

And so the adventure begins.....

I had my FIRST meeting with the orthodontist yesterday. Everything that I had been researching for the last week was true. So no surprise when she said "yep we'll have to crack you open like a fortune cookie". Eh oh well. I think the one thing that bothers me about the orthodontia piece is the sole fact that I have to have braces for a SECOND time in my life, and my teeth aren't even messed up! Not much I can do as there is a valid reason why I need them post-op

For those who are un-informed before I continue my rant, I am having orthognathic surgery. So basically, I have had TMJ for the last, oh, 10 years of my life. Over the last few years, i have been getting progressively worse headaches with muscle pain. My dentist has been hounding me to get it checked out and i FINALLY agreed to it. Sooooooooooooo....fast forward to today. What will be done, is this: my upper jaw is not wide enough to contain my lower, so they will split my palette and widen my upper jaw, then break and reset my lower so that they fit together. Lovely mental picture right? I'll have my mouth wired shut *most likely* for a few weeks...and I'll basically look like Nancy Kerrigan's leg after Tonya's henchmen beat her...just my face instead.

So this will be used to post pictures and log my daily boring life as my journey progresses into the unknown world of extreme makeover....It shall be interesting!

Catch ya in a few weeks when I meet the surgeon...