There is a reason for the madness...

So now that I look human again, for the most part, I've taken up a new activity. I venture out and run miscellaneous errands. Mall, haircut, nails, grocery store, home depot...you name it I'll go. However, it never fails....it starts with an inquisitive look, then the eyes wander to my mouth and their head tilts. I know they don't MEAN to do it. It's human nature, something is off, you want to know why. I am not offended, by no means...it's a crappy situation. So here I am explaining to everyone and their uncle that my mouth is wired shut, for how long, and if I am in pain. Hell I can even replay the conversation word for word in my head as I type this.

Me: *insert question or answer to clerk's question here*
Clerk: *pause* oh.....ok
*Clerk stares*
*I half smile*
Me: My mouth is wired shut. I had jaw surgery
Clerk: Were you in an accident?
Me: No, just crappy genetics. I willingly fixed it.
Clerk: Oh wow, does it hurt?
Me: Not anymore, I am just hungry *chuckle*
*Clerk nervously laughs*
Clerk: Feel better soon and good luck!!

And then...there is my wonderful loving mother. Who feels the need to tell everyone in the town of Merrimack that I had jaw surgery. If anyone reading this thinks I talk a lot, meet my mother. She puts me to SHAME. My point being is I went to get a haircut yesterday. Ive been going to this salon for years as has my mother. Poor Jeannie. My mom told her my life story about my surgery, recovery, probably my daily caloric intake last week. So here I am at the hair salon yesterday. She waits until after I am done my hair and cashing out...and she goes.... "......does it...hurt? How much longer?" I laughed, and politely told her how much longer and that I truly am in no pain.

Is it really too much to ask to have a conversation that doesn't revolve around my mouth being wired shut? I go out for a taste of normalcy, and maybe some sort of escape from this. Boy I cannot wait to see my mother's side of the family on Saturday.....Won't that be fun.

Say Cheeeeeeeeeeeese

I have now mastered a basic facial expression.....wanna know what it is???

It's a SMILE!!! Lookie lookie...

3 Weeks

So this would put me officially half way there. 3 Weeks are done, 3 weeks left to go. You know, I could have lied yesterday at the surgeon's and gotten out of this nonsense a week earlier. He asked me "Wait, is this the end of week 3 going INTO week 4? Or is this the end of week 4 going into week 5?" I didn't capitalize. My Irish guilt got the best of me and I said the correct thing, end of week 3. If I lied, who knows what would happen if I got out of this too early. I could end up looking like a character from a 'Saw' movie.

Anyways, each week I have been doing things I have learned over the course of the last week. Don't think I won't be doing that this week....*drum roll*

Week 3 Conclusions:

~ Idahoan fake potatoes are the BEST fake potatoes out on the market. Trust me. I have eaten enough different types to know.

~ Idahoan is a funny word

~ I am sick of soup. This has resulted in putting creative things in the blender...Most have been met with a trip down the garbage disposal.

~ I get really crabby when I am hungry. See earlier posts, and ask my mother when she ran me ragged this past weekend

~ I enjoy rainy days, they make me feel better about sitting inside on my couch

~ I am no longer afraid to go out in public. I can audibly speak for the most part, and most of the swelling is gone (Check the pictures)

~ They make tooth brushes for 4 month old's. All different types. Really do they have that much cognitive reasoning to decide between Elmo or a cute bear?

~ I have yet to see Saw V, and I will not waste money to see it in the theatre...however.... I have watched all of the prior movies finally and I can officially say that, everything after the first one was garbage.

~ It is not allowed to snow yet. Period

~ I miss flossing my teeth

~ I am fierce at Canasta and Cribbage...Senior homes watch out for me


So that's about all I have for this week. I really don't miss solid food as much as I used to. I think I have just kind of accepted it and moved on. There are bigger fish to fry. Like to pooooooooossibly get cut out of these things a few days early (only like 3) so I can be unwired for the Pats game that I am going to. ha ha ha I am awful. I will ask that NEXT week at the surgeon.

Hard to believe that my next appointment is November 3. Eeek it's November already!! Although Hallmark has been playing Christmas music for 2-3 weeks now..... No joke....It seems as though Christmas gets earlier every year.

I am babbling. I miss human contact. I love to talk to people/anyone who will listen to me so I use this as an outlet.

Anyways have a super day everyone!! I will talk to you soon!

Extra Extra! Read It While It's Hot!!

New pictures are up!! Check'em out.

I am only going to do weekly photo updates. I don't change enough day to day to really notice a difference. So you will get weekly photo updates. I am still a liiiiiiiiittle swollen on my right side as seen in the pictures. This is what causes the slight asymmetry in my face. Once that all goes down, I will be all pretty and such.

Now go check them out!!

Almost Doesn't Count...

Except for in horse shoes and hand grenades. That's what my mom always said to me as a kid. Well bust out the hand grenades and let's go play out in the horse shoe pit!!

Week 4 is right around the corner. That puts me in the home stretch of this nonsense!! HOORAY!! I can already taste the real food.

I started brushing my teeth yesterday. However I am not able to use a REAL toothbrush so I had to go out and buy one. Did you know they make toothbrushes for 4 month olds? I never knew that, but I suppose they have teeth that need to be brushed too...So I am rocking the Cookie Monster baby tooth brush. It's pretty badass and I know you are all jealous. It just felt so good to brush my teeth finally.

I have a sweet story to tell people if I do venture out. I go rummaging through my pocketbook and dig out my diagram and my wire cutters. I have to carry these with me at all times. In case I start choking, or if I feel sick, I need to be able to cut the wires that are holding my mouth together. People get totally freaked out by it. It makes me laugh. Who needs a halloween costume when I look like a freak already?! I am such an evil woman...ha ha ha ha ha ha

As for pain and discomfort, all I have left really is the inside of my cheeks. They kinda look like ground hamburger. All those wires and knots have really torn me up. Also, periodically, I get a numbing sensation in my chin area, the part that was numb at the beginning of all of this, but I am sure as the bone heals, that will happen. Meh, I am not too concerned with that. I just wish my cheeks would toughen up. I know I could use wax, but that stuff is a NIGHTMARE to try and get out of your braces when you need it out. The other times my mouth just toughened up, this not so much. GAH....pretty soon it will all be done and I won't have to worry about it.

Going to visit the surgeon today. Maybe he'll say we can start thinking about when we are going to take these god forsaken wires out. That would make me happy. I know I know...everyone, family, friends, and strangers, have told me. Don't rush to get out of the wires. Stay in them until the doctor says so. blah blah blah blah. My blanket answer to all of you. I will have 9469482 x-rays done before he even considers cutting me out of the trap....so don't worry. I will not be able to persuade him to free me sooner.

Alrighty, I hope you all have a lovely day. I will talk to you tomorrow. :-)

Something a little light hearted...

I've been a cantankerous wench the last 3 weeks. I apologize. I chose this....I have no one to blame but myself. I will get over this grumbly phase I promise....

That being said, I found a fun site with all sorts of suggestions, tips, and tricks. http://home.cfl.rr.com/bjaw/index.html

It has a bunch of great info about what you can eat, what to expect....blah blah blah. However, I did find this one part VERY amusing. She lists ways you may have broken your jaw:

Rugby
Jet Ski accident
Auto accident
Motorcycle accident
Paraglider accident
By choice, for medical reasons
Fight/Mugged
Tag with Rocks
Hit by baseball
Hit by golf ball
Fall

This was taken right from the site. No joke.....tag with rocks?!?!? REALLY?!?! Who in God's name played tag with rocks?!?! Isn't that assault?!?!? I mean I took my share of diggers as a kid, and got the crap beaten out of me in many a game....but I never heard of tag with rocks....

Another day...

I woke up this morning, and my stomach was growling...

It's sad when this is common. Its like waking up in the spring and hearing the bird's chirping. Or in the the winter and hearing the sound of the snow plow....This is what it must be like to be starving.

I am hungry....and I am only in the middle of Week 3. HALF-WAY. ugh....please....feed me

2 Weeks

Well lookie here. Week 2 has come and gone. I am 1/3 of the way done with this wired shut business...*cue fanfare*

Excuse me for my lack of excitement. I am a bit disheartened and jaded by this whole process. I just want to be able to SPEAK normally again. It's quite frustrating. Anyways, I am not here to vent today. I will save that for another day :-)

Things I have learned from the 2nd week -

~ Chunky Soups, although they look horrid, taste super when blended.

~ I can officially make a homemade Orange Julius!! And it tastes pretty good!!

~ Please please please watch The Midnight Meat Train. If you thought the movie Hostel was bad, oh this one is waaaaaaaaay worse. If this says anything it was straight to On-Demand....free

~ Despite Wyman making fun of me relentlessly, I heart my Slanket

~ I am sick of explaining to people why my mouth is wired shut. My mouth is wired shut, 6 weeks, and yes it sucks

~ Lowe's opens at 6am...and I can proudly say I have been there when they open

~ A walk outside is a great detox for the mind

~ Big sunglasses are my saviors...It helps me look humanoid

~ And again, naps are key when you don't eat enough.

That's about all I have for this week. Feel free to email me at home. I welcome the distraction :-)

Talk to you soon!!

Please fasten your seat belts and stay in your seat...

Yeah...not a good day for me.

I visited the surgeon today. After last week, where he told me I was doing faaaaaaaaaaaaabulous, I had high hopes. Maybe, just maybe, I will be freed after 4 weeks. Yeah not so much. He told me today that I will be wired shut for the FULL 6 weeks. LAME. Best part though, is that AFTER he frees me from the bear trap in my mouth, I get these heavy rubber bands for another 1-2 weeks. We all know it will be 2 weeks. That's just the way it works. So it's like freeing someone from a net, but keeping their left leg stuck in it....you're allowed to stand and stretch, but no getting away just yet!! ugh....

So to make myself feel better I went and visited my good Korean friends at KT Nail. :-)

I also picked up 25 dollars worth of soup since this will be my source of protein/nutrition for the next 4 weeks. ugh...4 WEEKS!! I have to think positive. I am 1/3 done already...and after NEXT Tuesday, I will be halfway there.

By the way, I don't know how many of you watch the series Heroes. I started watching it via Netflix. It's pretty good! I highly recommend it!

So that's my story today. Another day spent on my couch watching reruns of Intervention and Take Home Chef. It's a sad sad world....Thank god I have Curtis Stone to get me through it.

talk to you soon!

I never hated a hyphen so much...

4 - 6 weeks...

That's how long the surgeon told me I would be wired shut. You know, I've never broken anything that needed to be casted. Only fingers and toes. But I do know people who have broken things....And they hear the same thing 4-6, or 6-8, weeks.

You know, that first number is a huuuuuuuuge line of bull. They tell you that, so you get these huge expectations that hey, maybe I'll heal super fast and I'll be done with this sooner!! yay! When deep in the back of our minds, we all know we are in it for the long haul. That last number is the REAL reality and the first number, was just to make you feel better about your situation.

I am still holding out for that first number....Sometimes dreams do come true

1 Week

Well well....

1 Week is now complete. Crazy right? I am starting to see some semblance of a real face here. Most of the pain is gone, the only real true discomfort I have from the procedure itself is when I try to lay down/Sleep. I think it has to do with the positioning of my bones and the ravaging that occurred in my sinuses, which still have not FULLY healed as of yet. Of course the amount of erroneous metal in my mouth is incredibly inconvenient let alone uncomfortable, but I suppose I can make do with what is in front of me.

My sleeping pattern is all out of whack. I can't sleep more than 4 hours at a time. I used to be someone who required AT LEAST 6 hours a night to function fully and properly. I suppose when you have nothing to do the next day you don't need as much sleep? I don't know.

I met with the surgeon yesterday. He said I look good, actually better than I should, and that I am ahead of the normal healing schedule. He'll see me in a week. Damn it Jody. You have to be an overachiever at everything don't you? I'm only happy when I'm on top hahahahahaha

I am going to take my walk today, the leaves are pretty. I have some things i have to drop off at the office and according to Channel 9 right now, it it going to be a lovely afternoon for a walk. So now i have to somehow find some sneakers in my closet of heels and head on out.

Things I have learned in this last week of recovery -

~ I don't get along well with over the counter pain killers. This is the second time I have been prescribed a pain killer and it has made me sick. Its either the big stuff or nothing.

~ The Elliot hospital is a weird weird place. I don't know if its the meds they give people, or just people around here are just weird period.

~ Betty Crocker is my hero

~ Maury Povich does nothing but paternity tests now. Seriously!! But it's funny cause they are all super trashy and ghetto. I love when the "alleged" fathers dance when they are told they are not the father.

~ Naps are not just for kids.

~ Bacitracin does not heal busted lips despite popular belief. I have a super secret Mexican cream that has worked like a CHARM.

So that's all I have for today. Thank you all for reading my jibberish/rants/miscellaneous whatevers every day. I will continue to entertain for as long as I am home.

Feel free to leave a comment.

Talk to you soon!

SUCCESS!!

You know how I said in an earlier post, how that we take for granted those little things we get to see/have everyday? Yeah yesterday was totally one of those days for me.

Sitting at home, trying to fight off any lunch hunger pains I had, i decided to be a bit daring. I drove out to the ghetto grocery. (Side note: Ghetto Grocery is Stop and Shop, thats what we called it in Bridgeport, CT so it has just stuck) I made an executive decision, I was going to attempt to eat some sort of REAL carbohydrate if it kills me. Water and juice wasn't cutting it. I totally forgot it was a holiday yesterday and to my horror, the grocery was a ZOO. uggggh. Head down, hat pulled low, texting anyone who will talk to me. Hell even if they weren't texting back, I was still texting them. Anything to prevent making eye contact. I grabbed the first instant mashed potatoes i could find. Betty Crocker. Can't go wrong with Betty right? Well I get back to my car and i instantly have regrets, these so called mashed potatoes only require water. hmmmm Wellp what the hell right...I get home and make them as soupy as possible by adding milk, a lot of milk, to them. They smelled good! Now comes the task of eating them. Thankfully I have some friends in the Elliot Health System who hooked me up with a GIANT syringe called a Catheter Syringe. Don't know it? Google it. It's 60mLs. Let me tell you....I didn't eat very much, but that was the BEST 30mLs of crappy instant potatoes EVER.

Welcome to my So-Called Life

Monday Monday Monday...

I remember being a kid and being sooooooooo excited to stay home from school. Even if i was sick or better yet a snow day. Yeah that doesn't work so much as an adult. I miss the comforts of a daily routine. As much as complain and moan about work, my personal life, household chores...I actually kinda miss it all.

I've been somewhat of a hermit for almost a week now and i am starting to go a bit stir crazy. Maybe it's because i haven't found a rhythm yet as to what to do with my day, I mean it has only been a week. Maybe I can't stand the way I look right now, I just want to look human again and not someone who got beaten upside the face with a lead pipe. Its just frustrating. So to fix this, I am going to set myself some goals for this week:

~ Make somewhat of a REAL meal in a blender, something with substance that does not include a milkshake or some sort of broth.

~ Take a walk outside every day. Hey the weather is nice still and the Heritage trail is in my backyard. I can throw a baseball hat and some sunglasses on and wander around during the day.

That's all I have right now, maybe next week one of those can actually be wandering out to a public place for an hour....*cue dramatic music* So we shall see.

I'll upload a few more pictures today. I have an appointment with the surgeon today another follow up. I have to tell him i still haven't regained full feeling in my chin yet, maybe he actually DID bust that nerve. hahahaha. That would suck. I can hear everyone now: don't joke about that Jody. That's not funny.

To ease everyone, any nerve trauma, even mild, can take weeks, months, sometimes years, depending on the extent to regain full sensation back into it. If it ever comes back. I looked at the x-ray before I left. The nerve is intact, so maybe he just nicked it. meh. I am not going to worry about it until 2 weeks from now. If i still can't feel parts of my chin then we can discuss. We all know this is, and has been, a work in progress.

Until next time my friends :-)

Hunger Pains

I am so hungry its not even funny. It seems as though every ad on the TV is for some sort of snack or meal, basically anything I cannot eat. Incredibly frustrating.

But today, today was the best day so far. Today i had to stop taking pain killers. I physically was unable to get out of bed without the urge to vomit. So here was my choice. Take the pain killers and lay in bed, or risk walking around then frantically cut the wires that are holding my mouth shut. Yeah I am going to lay low. I can only hope i feel better tomorrow. Or even well enough to eat some sort of soup or ice cream. Anything.

As you can see I have uploaded pictures from my last few days as I promised. I kinda seesaw back from a lot of swelling to almost none at all. Ive been religious with the ice, in hopes that it will go away faster. I'll take some pictures tonight maybe i look a bit better.

So check the pictures out and I'll talk to you soon.

MDK someone ....anyone

so I am home...

I spent an extra night there because they cut me off of the "good stuff" cold turkey at 4pm on Wednesday. And put me on some pain killers that have been known in the past to make me incredibly sick. So i stayed another night. I love being home, I cannot stand the excruciating pain i am currently in. I can only hope this subsides with the grotesque swelling i have.

Although having a broken jaw does not hurt NEARLY as much as them ripping a breathing tube out of your nose. Why oh why did they have to wait til i was awake to take that out? I would have been happy to have been told that my nose was going to profusely bleed, but not see the apparatus that caused it. I actually cried. I know, I cried.

I don't know if i will get all my pictures uploaded today, if not today I have to be mildly mobile tomorrow for a followup with the doc. Make sure everything is in place. He was concerned with some the longer lasting numbing on the right side of my face. So I think that's why he wants to see me.

I will hopefully have one or 2 uploaded before the day is out, but no guarantees. I may just have my broth and my diet coke and pass the hell out til i need another dosage of pain killers.

Thank you for the cards, flowers, and well wishes. It was nice to know that people were caring and concerned. I am alive, and i may look like i belong amongst the living as soon as this weekend.

I will talk to all of you soon. Hopefully I'll be in a mildly better mood.

What day is today??

Welcome to D-Day...FINALLY. It's 430 am and i am getting my act together to head on over to the hospital. Still not really that nervous and that seems to surprise people. You know, I've been waiting, HOPING, for this day for over a year now when this whole convoluted process began. Its more of a relief than it is nerve wracking. However there are 2 things that freak me out:

1 - Spending the night at the hospital. I just want to be in my bed. Is that so hard????
2 - Waking up with my mouth wired shut.

The second is a tad bit more scary than the first. I think some good meds will get me through the night. But I think I may have a panic attack when i wake up and i cannot communicate. Its a scary thought. I was talking with a friend who recently lost his licence and he had some very sage words: We really take advantage of those simple conveniences like being able to drive a car or speak. I think you'll find within a week or 2, how much you really miss just saying Hello to someone.

So true.

So here i sit. Last day with my old crooked face...kind of sobering right? I've had this for 27 years, and now, I'll look different. Not Joan Rivers different, but enough for people to ask me if I got a haircut. So wish me luck. I'll be back on Wednesday with pictures and a whole trick-or-treat bag of medications. (and no I will not share. I will need every last one)

Talk to you soon!!