So....transformation complete. Exciting right? ? I got my braces off, I got a new hair do...should be exciting and fun times for me?
I don't think I ran this scenario through my head...What I had hoped would be elation and skipping through enormous fields of pretty flowers ended up being confusion and distancing...I never thought the reverse support effect would occur. Now granted I got the initial 'wow' an occasional 'you look great'...etc....but no one ever prepared me for the just simple staring...and the 'you just look so different, I don't even know you anymore'...eek.
Now I've really created a complex. It, I suppose, should be looked at as a catch 22: I got what I wanted- A chance to TOTALLY reinvent myself, just start all over so to speak; but man it's lonely out here. I guess all I can do is take whats been handed to me, and try to make it work. Try and figure it all out somehow. Maybe it's time for a location change too? Or a job change? Why not shake up the whole thing?! I've already shaken up most of it.
This feeling of being in a snow globe has to end soon...Don't those little snow-like particles settle eventually?
Friday, August 21, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
End of the Road
Wow I never thought, in a million years, that this day would come.....never EVER!!
I got a call today asking if i could come in for the de-bracing tomorrow. Wow tomorrow, really? I was so excited I did a dance in the Service Department's waiting room at Manchester VW. The sales guys caught me and laughed. I don't even care....I don't even care about the state of my potentially totalled car...I don't care about anything else. I have this laser focused on 10:15am tomorrow. 10:15am...and I will finally wake up from the nightmare that was my life the last 1.75 years. Wow....I feel...freedom...elation...and just confusion. What now? I feel like that pet, that has never gotten outside, but has tried a lot, to do it. I finally get out...and now what? Where do I go from here? Well it shall be interesting. I am expecting a lot of people who were not there for me over the last year, to change their tune, and suddenly try and get back in my life again...gah...Super Bitch reporting for duty.
Again I can't thank my friends enough for sticking with me through this. I know I have been super difficult to all of you. I may have even alienated you at one point or another due to my raging emotions, and for that I am deeply sorry. I was looking for sympathy that I honestly could only find within me...Did I ever find that elusive peace? Not really..but I did try exceedingly hard. I hope with this freedom, comes peace from the inner war that I have been waging against myself.
So tomorrow, at 10:15am, it will all be over.
Wish me luck!
I got a call today asking if i could come in for the de-bracing tomorrow. Wow tomorrow, really? I was so excited I did a dance in the Service Department's waiting room at Manchester VW. The sales guys caught me and laughed. I don't even care....I don't even care about the state of my potentially totalled car...I don't care about anything else. I have this laser focused on 10:15am tomorrow. 10:15am...and I will finally wake up from the nightmare that was my life the last 1.75 years. Wow....I feel...freedom...elation...and just confusion. What now? I feel like that pet, that has never gotten outside, but has tried a lot, to do it. I finally get out...and now what? Where do I go from here? Well it shall be interesting. I am expecting a lot of people who were not there for me over the last year, to change their tune, and suddenly try and get back in my life again...gah...Super Bitch reporting for duty.
Again I can't thank my friends enough for sticking with me through this. I know I have been super difficult to all of you. I may have even alienated you at one point or another due to my raging emotions, and for that I am deeply sorry. I was looking for sympathy that I honestly could only find within me...Did I ever find that elusive peace? Not really..but I did try exceedingly hard. I hope with this freedom, comes peace from the inner war that I have been waging against myself.
So tomorrow, at 10:15am, it will all be over.
Wish me luck!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Important Safety Tip...thanks, Egon
Gah! I'll explain the reason for that a bit later....but first the good stuff...
So every few years or so. I like to completely reinvent myself. Change my hair drastically, how I carry myself...etc. It's fun and exciting and I eventually become a hybrid of what I was previously. So I started off reinvention 2009 with a new haircut. My hair was about halfway down my back, and I got it hacked to a little above the shoulders in a cute bob. LOVE IT! It's so much easier to care for over the course of the day.
Next step was the ortho. Eek. I was prepared to have her tell me she still just wasn't quite happy with the bite and to adjust/see you in 6 weeks. However, she told me that she was quite happy with the final result and that I am ready to go!! Woot woot!! YOU HEARD ME!! I AM GETTING MY MOTHER EFFING BRACES OFF!! WOOOOOOOOOOO!
Alas I knew that day was too good. I got into a car accident on my way home that day (hence the 'Gah!'). Car runs, but is not drive-able. Thankfully the body shop that has it, says they would be VERY surprised if the car was called totalled...I think he may have even used the word shocked. *phew* I was all bent out of shape as to whether I totalled ANOTHER car. Thankfully it looks like this one is repairable. It may take a few weeks, but I'll get it back. Once I get it back I'll be accepting applications for chauffeurs.
So that has been my whirlwind week. The great news being a fab new haircut, and GETTING MY MOTHER EFFING BRACES OFF!!
I'll keep you posted on the car situation, and when I get the call to come in and get the teeth done. :-D
Catch ya soon.
So every few years or so. I like to completely reinvent myself. Change my hair drastically, how I carry myself...etc. It's fun and exciting and I eventually become a hybrid of what I was previously. So I started off reinvention 2009 with a new haircut. My hair was about halfway down my back, and I got it hacked to a little above the shoulders in a cute bob. LOVE IT! It's so much easier to care for over the course of the day.
Next step was the ortho. Eek. I was prepared to have her tell me she still just wasn't quite happy with the bite and to adjust/see you in 6 weeks. However, she told me that she was quite happy with the final result and that I am ready to go!! Woot woot!! YOU HEARD ME!! I AM GETTING MY MOTHER EFFING BRACES OFF!! WOOOOOOOOOOO!
Alas I knew that day was too good. I got into a car accident on my way home that day (hence the 'Gah!'). Car runs, but is not drive-able. Thankfully the body shop that has it, says they would be VERY surprised if the car was called totalled...I think he may have even used the word shocked. *phew* I was all bent out of shape as to whether I totalled ANOTHER car. Thankfully it looks like this one is repairable. It may take a few weeks, but I'll get it back. Once I get it back I'll be accepting applications for chauffeurs.
So that has been my whirlwind week. The great news being a fab new haircut, and GETTING MY MOTHER EFFING BRACES OFF!!
I'll keep you posted on the car situation, and when I get the call to come in and get the teeth done. :-D
Catch ya soon.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Another year....
Wow, happy birthday to me.
What to say about the last year. Honestly I have ridden a roller coaster of emotions to a point where I must be setting some sort of world record. I think I have hit the highest highs and the lowest lows I am capable of. There were days I would wonder, why am I doing all this...what's the point? And there were days where I didn't think my life could honestly get better than this. I suppose we all have these moments. I just felt like I was constantly running through that gauntlet....like 'running ladders' from PE class.
I see that light at the tunnel....Its been in my view for some time, its just unreachable. Maybe in a month? or 3 weeks? Who knows. I am just thankful it will be soon. And as soon as that day is discovered, I will be making plans for a party, and my new tattoo.
I nearly lost my life in a crazy car accident. I still have nightmares about that to this day. I can only hope someday they just go away. Maybe next year? I would never wish the absolute terror I went through on anyone. Even DK.
One very bright spot in the last year has been my absolute dedication, and devotion, to dance. I wish it wasn't so ridiculously expensive, but I love it. Nothing makes me feel better about myself, and feel incredibly confident, than being out on that dance floor. I would be one bitter debbie downer if I didn't have to look forward to each week.
I love my friends. There are days where sometimes I want to smack them upside the head, but honestly, they have allowed me to maintain some sort of sanity in the last year. They've helped me keep my chin up and smile even when I didn't think I could. Without you guys, I would be lost, and probably a hermit.
So for reflection, it's been a transformation year for me. I got a new face, a new car, and a new found respect for myself through dancing. There is also a shiny new telephone pole where the one I so abruptly removed was.
Cheers to another year....and for more firsts in the next one. It can only get better :-)
*muah*
What to say about the last year. Honestly I have ridden a roller coaster of emotions to a point where I must be setting some sort of world record. I think I have hit the highest highs and the lowest lows I am capable of. There were days I would wonder, why am I doing all this...what's the point? And there were days where I didn't think my life could honestly get better than this. I suppose we all have these moments. I just felt like I was constantly running through that gauntlet....like 'running ladders' from PE class.
I see that light at the tunnel....Its been in my view for some time, its just unreachable. Maybe in a month? or 3 weeks? Who knows. I am just thankful it will be soon. And as soon as that day is discovered, I will be making plans for a party, and my new tattoo.
I nearly lost my life in a crazy car accident. I still have nightmares about that to this day. I can only hope someday they just go away. Maybe next year? I would never wish the absolute terror I went through on anyone. Even DK.
One very bright spot in the last year has been my absolute dedication, and devotion, to dance. I wish it wasn't so ridiculously expensive, but I love it. Nothing makes me feel better about myself, and feel incredibly confident, than being out on that dance floor. I would be one bitter debbie downer if I didn't have to look forward to each week.
I love my friends. There are days where sometimes I want to smack them upside the head, but honestly, they have allowed me to maintain some sort of sanity in the last year. They've helped me keep my chin up and smile even when I didn't think I could. Without you guys, I would be lost, and probably a hermit.
So for reflection, it's been a transformation year for me. I got a new face, a new car, and a new found respect for myself through dancing. There is also a shiny new telephone pole where the one I so abruptly removed was.
Cheers to another year....and for more firsts in the next one. It can only get better :-)
*muah*
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Missing you...
I know I know....I am horrible at updating this thing.
I read my last post and noticed it was from May. MAY!! I used to update this weekly, or even at least monthly. There's been plenty to report on, I just haven't had time to sit down and put it on paper. Have no fear....I have returned.
So what's new....hmm...
May - My bestest friend/sis got married. It was a beautiful day for a beautiful wedding. I had a ton of fun in NJ that weekend. Other than that typical shenanigans. I successfully completed 2 levels in dance in what I affectionately referred to as "Hell week" (6 straight days of dance class).
June - was completely a blur. Honestly I have no real recollection of what went on. I know it rained for a month. According to my favorite weather guy, Kevin Skarupa, we had 9, count'em 9, days of sunshine. The end of the month was spent buying the MJ catalogue. Did I do anything fun? Probably, but nothing out of the ordinary.
July - the sun finally came out!! Woot woot!! For fun this month, I spent an extended weekend in LI picking up some wine. Wrecked my ankle...pretty bad too, considering its been 3 weeks and it still hurts...oh well.
This month, August, kicked off with our annual shitshow known as Harborcane. Local coverband, Hypercane, does an annual booze cruise and we all get together to party like a rockstar...limo and all...for one night. Its always a good time...
On the ortho front, I get the go/no-go next week (14th) as to if I am completed with my "orthodontic treatment". That may be the best birthday present ever, or quite possibly the straw that breaks the camel's back. I know I am seeming dramatic, but I'll be 28 next Saturday, I feel this crap is preventing me from moving on with my life. I even feel like it's preventing me from just simply being me. Weird right? I've just immersed myself in dance in hopes to avoid social situations where I will just feel incredibly awkward and unhappy. (see: all social situations). I am ready to, I need to, just move on. I am anxious and excited all in the same space.
So here I sit on August 2nd....wishing the next week and a half away. I feel like I've wished the 2 years away, which I think I have. Is that a success or a failure? You make the call.
I read my last post and noticed it was from May. MAY!! I used to update this weekly, or even at least monthly. There's been plenty to report on, I just haven't had time to sit down and put it on paper. Have no fear....I have returned.
So what's new....hmm...
May - My bestest friend/sis got married. It was a beautiful day for a beautiful wedding. I had a ton of fun in NJ that weekend. Other than that typical shenanigans. I successfully completed 2 levels in dance in what I affectionately referred to as "Hell week" (6 straight days of dance class).
June - was completely a blur. Honestly I have no real recollection of what went on. I know it rained for a month. According to my favorite weather guy, Kevin Skarupa, we had 9, count'em 9, days of sunshine. The end of the month was spent buying the MJ catalogue. Did I do anything fun? Probably, but nothing out of the ordinary.
July - the sun finally came out!! Woot woot!! For fun this month, I spent an extended weekend in LI picking up some wine. Wrecked my ankle...pretty bad too, considering its been 3 weeks and it still hurts...oh well.
This month, August, kicked off with our annual shitshow known as Harborcane. Local coverband, Hypercane, does an annual booze cruise and we all get together to party like a rockstar...limo and all...for one night. Its always a good time...
On the ortho front, I get the go/no-go next week (14th) as to if I am completed with my "orthodontic treatment". That may be the best birthday present ever, or quite possibly the straw that breaks the camel's back. I know I am seeming dramatic, but I'll be 28 next Saturday, I feel this crap is preventing me from moving on with my life. I even feel like it's preventing me from just simply being me. Weird right? I've just immersed myself in dance in hopes to avoid social situations where I will just feel incredibly awkward and unhappy. (see: all social situations). I am ready to, I need to, just move on. I am anxious and excited all in the same space.
So here I sit on August 2nd....wishing the next week and a half away. I feel like I've wished the 2 years away, which I think I have. Is that a success or a failure? You make the call.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
